What happened in "WrestleMania XXIV"? (spoilerama)

Jets flew in formation over Orlando, Florida's Citrus Bowl. John Legend played piano and sang "America The Beautiful". We saw the first of several pyrotechnics displays. JBL defeated Fit Finlay, accompanied by the midget Hornswoggle (now revealed to be Fit's son, not Vince McMahon's), in a Belfast Brawl. "Hostess" Kim Kardashian encountered Mr Kennedy backstage. Matt Hardy interfered in the Money In The Bank ladder match, ruining MVP's chance. CM Punk unhooked the briefcase, earning a title shot wherever and whenever he desires. The WWE Hall Of Fame 2008 inductees/reps were publicly celebrated. Snoop Dogg appeared in a skit with Festus, Santino Marella, Mick Foley and a modified Mr Socko. Freddie Prinze Jr was shown in the crowd. Batista botched his bomb but beat Umaga in the "RAW vs SmackDown" challenge. After surviving a 24-man Battle Royale, Kane was given a crack at Chavo Guerrero's ECW belt. He pinned the champ in nine seconds. Raven-Symone informed us of some Make-A-Wish Foundation kids in the audience. Shawn Michaels booted Ric Flair outta wrestling (yeah, right). Snoop led the Divas to the ring in a pimped-out golf cart for the "Playboy" BunnyMania lumberjack (lumberjill?) match. Part-way through, there was a brief lighting failure. The King flattened Santino for getting involved. Beth Phoenix and Melina were victorious over Ashley and Maria. Snoop flattened Santino as well, then smooched Maria. A brass band performed John Cena's entrance theme as majorettes twirled batons. Randy Orton retained his WWE Championship over Cena and Triple H. The Big Show versus Floyd Mayweather wasn't horrible. The boxer copped a hiding before KOing the wrestler. Ms Kardashian announced the main event. A run-in by Hawkins and Ryder couldn't prevent The Undertaker from submitting Edge, winning the World Heavyweight Championship and taking his "'Mania" streak to 16-0. I fell asleep and was forced to replay my recording and type this summary on Tuesday.