Movie review: "Big Stan" (2007)
The gist: Dodgy property developer Stan (Rob Schneider) is going to prison for 3-5 years for fraud and has six months to get his affairs in order. Terrified of being raped, he employs The Master (David Carradine) to intensively train him in martial arts. Once behind bars, the now-deadly Stan rapidly becomes top dog and sets about reforming his fellow inmates. When the warden offers him an early release in exchange for assistance in an evil scheme, it's moral dilemma time.
Selling points: Schneider's humour – assuming you're a fan and don't mind every second joke being about male rape. Carradine can do the mystic warrior thing in his sleep. This variation is refreshingly disgusting: an unkempt and uncouth, chain-smoking, scorpion-eating sadist. Finally, martial arts afficionados can play spot the real-life star among the cons. Let me get you started – Don Frye, Randy Couture, Bob Sapp...
It's kinda like: A 105-minute sentence to jailhouse cliches, uncomfortable scenarios and the occasional cheap laugh.
Final word: He's not big and it's not particularly clever.
[Australian cinema release date: November 27]