Manners, innit?

I say "Pardon me" when I burp and "Excuse me" when I cough/sneeze. That's the way Mum raised me.

A schoolmate would call people out when they DIDN'T do so, reproaching, "Excuse pigs!" His manners weren't exactly textbook, though. If he didn't hear something or wanted it repeated, he'd go, "Because?"

A close chum who shall remain nameless would attempt to turn politeness into rudeness by saying stuff like "Pardon my arse" or "Excuse the f**k out of me". Of course I laughed - wouldn't you?

I'd also chuckle when a poker buddy would respond to someone else's long beer belch with, "Coming, mother!" On a similar note, I recall dear old Dad once acknowledging his own loud fart with, "Well, that appears to be working."

At karate, we were doing pushups or situps or something - 38, 39, 40, 41, 42 - when a fellow student ripped off a beauty. Without missing a beat, the instructor said, "I'll count, thank you."

What do you say to excuse yourself after an audible bodily expulsion? Do you just blame the dog?