Oil your bike chain

2025. Don't watch this scifi-survival tale for Milla alone - she's in less than half of it. Most of the film is a father teaching his child how to stay alive on an Earth where killer creatures have spawned from the depths to punish humanity for destroying the environment. Which is ironic since, by the finale, the viewer has learnt nothing we didn't know in the first 10 minutes. Don't get me wrong, "Worldbreaker" isn't trash. There are plenty of touching scenes. It just feels like an heroic B-grade actioner spliced together with a gritty, inevitably tragic indie in such a way that it fails on either count. To end on a positive, I'll add that Luke Evans and Billie Boullet are both good in their roles as dad and daughter.

1973. Appropriately nonsense poster for a pointless runaround involving stolen diamonds, Russian spies and British politicians. Why the fuchsia would you cast Paul Newman in an English flick as an undercover operative pretending to be Australian? Dominique Sanda's casting is arguably worse. The only thing that keeps you watching is the sheer loopiness of the plot, with its extended court/jail sequences, middle section that reminds of "The Prisoner" and random trip to Malta. There's also a wild country-road car chase that was probably a stipulation in PN's contract (admittedly, it feels genuinely dangerous). Zero chemistry between the leads doesn't help, despite her jumping straight into bed with him as if he was 007.

KIT OF THE WEEK: A LEGO delivery truck? So meta that I couldn't resist. The forklift definitely fits the theme, but I wonder why they threw in a hotdog stand.

SET MEAL OF THE WEEK: What the chicken cutlet lacked in quality the, er, rice made up for in quantity, extending under that curry sauce like an iceberg (riceberg?). The Lemon Yuzu Asahi was pleasant enough to have again. Next time, I'll plump for tempura over katsu.