In titles: too many colons

I won't stay at the Enterprize again for the simple reason that it doesn't have internal laundry facilities. Guests are directed to a self-service place around the corner that's graffiti-covered, fly-ridden and generally filthy. I wouldn't tie a misbehaving dog there. Politely enquiring as to the next-nearest laundromat, I was sent halfway across town on a fool's errand. The concierge's info was outdated and it had ceased to be. Having lugged my bag of dirty clothes that far, I decided to keep walking until I found *somewhere*. Trust me to home in on the nerdily handled Polaris Cyber Wash in North Melbourne. Cleaned, dried and folded my gear and jumped in a "silver top" cab to Spencer St.

Didn't wanna be late for the matinee of "Shane Warne: The Musical" at the Athenaeum Theatre, written and directed by Eddie Perfect and directed by Neil Armfield of "Keating!" fame. After the perfect polish of "Wicked", my first impression was that it was rough bordering on amateur, but it soon became clear the makers were deliberately emphasising that Warnie was an average bogan who just happened to have a freakish talent for spin bowling. By the end, of course, the songs had won me over. However, you need to be a cricket tragic to really appreciate the story and an Aussie to understand references to stuff like Simone's stint on "Dancing With The Stars". There's a firetruck-load of swearing as well.

The Melbourne Victory/Sydney FC derby was amazing! How to describe the Telstra Dome to a Sydneysider? Imagine if ANZ Stadium was plucked from the Homebush wastes, deposited in the vicinity of Central Station and a roof was added. Then double the standard A-League audience (on this occasion, it was 25k), creating a tangible buzz in the city. Within three minutes, the visitors had scored a pair of stunning goals. But the Vics stabilised, pulled one back by half-time, equalised, then netted a winner for the gutsiest of comebacks. Four yellow cards were awarded and Melbourne's Danny Allsopp may be retroactively busted for barging into SFC coach John Kosmina on the sideline and knocking him off his feet. My lone moan: it's an AFL oval, so even eight rows from the fence, as I was, you're a fair distance from the field of play.