Brock treatment

So confident was I that Brock Lesnar would dispose of Cain Velasquez at "UFC #121" in the same manner as he had Shane Carwin - weathering a hail of blows, then bringing his awesome size and power to bear - I'd begun mentally formulating a tribute.

My plan was to liken him to the giant Viking axeman mentioned in accounts of 1066's Battle Of Stamford Bridge. Except that Lesnar had his face rearranged by Velasquez until, with 48 seconds remaining in the first round, the ref declared it a TKO. And commentators Joe Rogan and Mike Goldberg stole my historical thunder by referring to Brock as a Viking (and Cain as an Aztec).

But, damn it, it's worth telling the tale of the aforesaid mighty Middle Ages scrapper. To set the scene - England, ruled by King Harold Godwinson, was under attack from the forces of Norway's Harald Hardrada and Harold's exiled younger brother, Tostig. Without going into detail, Godwinson the elder marched his army to meet the invaders so quickly that they were caught unprepared, not at full strength, and supposedly with their armour stored back on their longships.

Here, I'll cease paraphrasing Wikipedia and quote - with respect and not for profit - from the essay "Last Of The Vikings - Stamford Bridge, 1066" by Brendan Manley, as reprinted on HistoryNet.com:

"As Vikings on the east bank of the Derwent raced to prepare for battle, the scouts west of the river faced the task of delaying the English advance across the bridge. Fighting uphill, their backs against the river, the Norsemen were quickly overrun by the oncoming English. What happened next has taken on a mythical quality but is largely accepted: As Harold's troops reached the bridge, they were met by a lone Viking defender, who used his massive battle-ax to cut down numerous challengers (some sources claim 40 Saxons), much to the glee of onlookers on the east bank. The lone warrior's feat provided his compatriots with crucial time to assemble their defense.

"Chroniclers state that one of Harold's housecarls found an empty swill tub upstream and, under the cover of overhanging willows, managed to glide undetected beneath the bridge. The housecarl then aimed his spear deliberately at the Viking's unprotected groin and, with necessity prevailing over honor, skewered the berserker where he stood. The English then poured over the bridge."

As you've guessed, the idea was to ask what it would take, given that low blows aren't allowed in MMA, to finally overcome Brock as he defended the bridge that is the heavyweight title from a line of challengers sent at him by the UFC.

Well, we have our answer: a fighter with an equally indomitable spirit whose athletic abilities are still further off the chart. I won't claim we'll be recounting Cain's deeds in a thousand years like we are those of the giant Viking axeman, but on the more level playing field of the Octagon, he may prove harder to conquer.


Junk: "Lost Boys - Reign Of Frogs" GN (2009) by Rodionoff, Gomez and Ho. Don't bother!
Trash: "Poison Ivy - The Secret Society" (2008). Miriam McDonald is the saving grace.