Ghosts of the kitchen table

I've played "Dungeons & Dragons" with some real characters over the decades. One such was...let's call him Derek. He was the boyfriend of a gay pal of my gaming buddy JH's big sister.

I'm proud to recall that, despite being stupid teenagers, we weren't bothered by his homosexuality. Neither did we care that he was considerably older than us and sported silver jewellery and a mo'/goatee. All that mattered was he knew how to play "D&D" and was looking to join a regular campaign.

We soon learnt that Derek would only run female drow mages and that they inevitably preferred wearing fishnet bodystockings to traditional wizard robes. Oh-kayyy.

He liked to talk about occult stuff and that was fine because we liked to hear about it. A fave topic was the secrets allegedly hidden in the Vatican archives. I remember him once showing us a sheaf of papers that hindsight suggests were photocopies of a Gnostic Gospel.

Derek also did tarot readings. That is to say he'd occasionally manage to bring his cards and do two or three...then he'd claim he was exhausted and put the deck away for the evening. I never had my fortune told. JH's place was constantly busy and the demand for prophecy far exceeded the supply.

Another mate, DP, got a job washing dishes alongside Derek at a local restaurant. There was a mix-up where an in-game comment was confused with reality and embellished by a third party. Suddenly, I had DP telling me how upset Derek was that I wanted to fight him. I sent back word that it wasn't true.

While the above details are crystal clear in my brain, the reason Derek eventually left our "D&D" group isn't. I think it either involved a split with JH's sister's pal or them moving elsewhere together. Hopefully the dude finished up all right. I bet he bloody loves the Drizzt novels.

Next time I write one of these RPG-related reminiscences, I might tell you about...let's call him Dylan. He was a dungeon master who enjoyed catching wild horses and taking acid.