Postcard fiction collab

Over the course of a year or two, RS and I collaborated on a fantasy story via postcard. It wasn't exactly Gaiman and Pratchett doing "Good Omens". We both wrote the instalments off the top of our dome. While I usually checked at least the previous instalment, I don't believe R. even did that. There was also a blunder where I incorporated a fanciful card that wasn't meant to be part of the yarn. Doh! In the end, it kind of didn't make sense and sort of went nowhere, although interesting(?) ideas bubbled below the surface. AND IT WAS FUN. See for yourself...

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[minor edits]

1.

The colossal green-stone maze had been built by order of a king or queen so far back in Reknarun’s history that no-one living remembered their name or in which scrolls it might be found.

The maze had started taking on a life of its own under the rule of King Calomzo III, adjusting its twists and turns, and creating whole new rooms.

While Queen Tetricia sat on the throne, the maze devoured its first maze-walker, then its second, and then its third. The entrance and exit were hastily blocked off.

When he came to power, Tetricia’s son, King Ponsigrad, officially banned anyone from entering the maze, be they Reknarunians or outsiders.

Several royal rulers later, no-one knew what the maze was like inside anymore. How it might have further transformed itself. Whether it was still hungry for humans. For that matter, no-one had a clue why it had come alive at all.

But one person was about to find out.

2.

The queen’s voice was quiet, almost tentative. “Someone has entered the maze. We need you to find them, and why they did so.”

The mercenary said nothing, and barely acknowledged that he had even heard. As usual, though, his companion responded eagerly. “Ten coins for entry, ten more if we succeed. These terms are not negotiable.”

The terms were outrageous; an entire company could be hired for much less. But this man had been recommended by the Red Sage, and his reputation was high to the point of near-unbelievability.

And then there was his companion, a magical doll that was said to possess a human soul. The doll was now watching the queen intently, unblinking.

“You’ll bring them back alive?” asked the queen.

The doll only nodded, as the mercenary glanced at the queen.

“Ten coins it is, then. You’ll leave immediately…”

3.

Slippery they called him. Too slippery for the city watch as he disappeared into the night with the strongbox of a trader in fine artworks. Too slippery for hired guards. Too slippery for the bounty hunters who tried to track him from town to town.

It was while robbing an absent wizard’s tower that he had made his discovery about the green-stone maze of Reknarun. Flipping through tomes in search of hidden compartments or treasure maps, he had come upon the wizard’s research on the subject.

According to the mage, even a drop of whatever force was great enough to animate a labyrinth could be used to imbue life elsewhere.

Slippery had loved a girl once. She was dust now, but her statue remained. A masterpiece it was. A perfect likeness that had cost him all of his ill-gotten gains back when the girl he loved had been able to delightedly pose for the sculptor, unaware that in a too-short time, angry church headsmen unable to find Slippery would settle for taking hers instead.

4.

On the edge of the burning swamp stands a twisted castle of obsidian in which dwells a sorcerer so evil it is said that even Hell fears him. Legends state this sorcerer has spent lifetimes crafting an ultimate spell that will remove all light from creation. What is this sorcerer’s name?

5.

As he crept slowly, carefully and silently through the opening corridors of the man-eating maze of Reknarun, Slippery remembered the childhood riddle about the evilest sorcerer in the world. Of course, you weren’t supposed to know the fiend’s name. But, like most kids, Slippery – who wasn’t called Slippery back then – had tried multiple guesses.

“Wrong, wrong and wrong again!” laughed the older child who had posed the riddle to him during a pause in a game. “And now you have three OTHER evil sorcerers after you, idiot!”

Add them to the list, thought Slippery, as he crept onwards. He suspected the Reknarunians might send some soldiers into the labyrinth after him. He had no idea Queen Tetricia III would go so far as to hire The Unstoppable Mercenary and Hope-Eating Doll.

6.

As she led the way, the pathways of the maze opened before her like she knew they would. The queen had insisted on sending supplies, but she had left the mule just inside the entrance, knowing it would be safe and the supplies it carried not needed.

She recalled the warning from Queen Tetricia about the man they were sent to retrieve. She hadn’t said anything in response. Soon, she would know if this thief was even real or simply another decoy the maze had issued to call her home.

As she walked the silent corridors, her skin became softer and her eyes brighter. Her companion – away from the gaze of those that thought they were hiring him – was increasingly dull-eyed and unresponsive. She considered deactivating him but thought he may still have a use…when they reached the centre.

7.

Slippery was worried. He was inside a man-eating maze located in a country whose fabled crystal coins could hire all manner of hunters to go after trespassers (not to mention wanted criminals) such as himself.

And he had just rounded a bend and come in sight of a grotto filled with beautiful mottle trees. They weren’t the problem. The problem was several vampire crows perched in the branches.

8.

The Queen was vexed. It was bad enough that a thief had entered the maze, but things had become worse when, to hide the truth from her advisors, she’d hired the mercenary and doll to pursue him. Possibly much worse!

Now, she watched the worst come true in her crystal ball: the thief roasting crows over a fire while – the doll??? – sat with him.

The Queen cursed that her magic device couldn’t capture the sound. What were they talking about? Why hadn’t the maze eaten them both? Where was the mercenary? And did either of them know her well-hidden secret? She considered her options.

9.

Queen Tetricia III’s secret must remain a mystery for the moment.

As for how Slippery defeated the vampire crows…he didn’t. The Unstoppable Mercenary ran at them with inhuman speed, leapt at them with inhuman spring and cut down every last bird with inhuman precision.

The thief assumed he would be next to die, until the Hope-Eating Doll who had suddenly appeared next to him instructed the bloody warrior, “Prepare the crows for cooking, then find a pool and clean the mess from yourself.”

Which is exactly what the mercenary did.

“Collect wood and build us a fire,” said the very human-looking doll to Slippery. “We have much to discuss. My servant and I were sent to capture you. That is not in the threads. Like you, I seek the centre of the maze. I suspect it will take the skills of all three of us to make it there. I also suspect it won’t be long before Her Majesty realises my treachery and floods this labyrinth with soldiers.”

Hours later, fed on roast crow meat and sweet fountain water, they had lain themselves around the campfire in a triangle. One sleeping, two pretending.

10.

Fear gripped Slippery like a cold sweat as the walls closed in. As they’d walked, it had started slowly, but now it was clear the corridors weren’t just narrowing – the walls were moving.

He hastened his footsteps, the doll-girl behind him. In the dark, he no longer saw her servant. Had he been left behind?

Without warning, a face appeared in one wall, silently screaming. Slippery instinctively slashed with his sword and it bounced off the rock, the face melting back into the flat surface.

An intersection revealed itself ahead, and his last torch flickered. Which way? And would the walls even allow them passage?

He glanced at the doll and saw she was faintly smiling, which made the decision even more difficult…

11.

The trio stood at the T. There was no going back. Would left or right take them more quickly to the centre of the maze? Slippery glanced along the left-hand path and saw the walls bulge in then out.

“You’re trying to chew, but you have no teeth. Could still crush us, though,” he mused.

“Wait…I think you have it,” said the Hope-Eating Doll, who now looked nothing like a doll and everything like a young woman. “It’s been so long since the Reknarunians sealed it shut, it’s forgotten HOW to eat.”

“Will it take it long to remember?” asked The Unstoppable Mercenary in an emotionless, one might even say mechanical, voice.

The woman idly toyed with the ring on her middle finger that marked her demon contract. “On the answer to that question, all of our lives depend. We take the right-hand path.”

Just at that moment they heard, far off, a sound that could have been an army bugle…or a hunting horn. They set off along the right fork, and spoke no more until reaching a strange gate…

12.

Slippery eyed the ample bosom of the serving wench as she refilled his mug. He looked up to his audience and the old dwarf winked at him with a grin.

“You still haven’t told us why the doll was in the maze!”

It was the well-built man with scarred hands. Slippery took him to be a smith. He knew he had the man – and all of the others – hooked on his every word.

He’d been a little nervous, since the residents of this part of the city were no strangers to magic. He’d feared they might be less dazzled by the tale. Happily, he was wrong, and the story of the living maze and Hope-Eating Doll had drawn a crowd large and enthralled enough that Slippery would be well fed, drunk and companioned this evening. He glanced again at the comely wench and hoped he might have another good tale ere the night was over.

The thin man who Slippery recognised as a fellow rogue tapped a coin on the table, and said, “I bet he’s going to tell us the doll was the Queen.”

Slippery grinned as the crowd harumphed, and continued: “As I said, we were at the final gate…”

13.

At the first gate, Slippery had picked an incredibly complex lock without triggering poison darts, electric shocks or explosions.

At the second gate, the Hope-Eating doll had summoned her demon to bash down the incredibly strong barrier with its fiery fists, rewarding it with a kiss.

At the third gate, the Unstoppable Mercenary had simply transformed one of his fingers into a key and unlocked the portal.

At the fourth and final gate, the party stopped and pondered the strange engravings, lack of handle or keyhole, and faint citrus smell.

Then a vision of Queen Tetricia III appeared and began to beg…

14.

She looked around the chamber and saw bodies everywhere. A young man, an older man. A beautiful woman. Others. At second glance, she noticed their wooden or porcelain skin, their glass eyes and their silk hair. She idly gestured at the female doll and it jerkily rose to the air, as a crown fell off its head. She flicked her fingers and the queen-doll opened its mouth, but no sound came out. Theia – she now remembered her name – let the doll fall. She had reached the centre of the maze as she knew she would, and once again her kingdom of puppets had failed to stop her. Theia, the God-Puppeteer, had “won”.