Come on feel the Illinois

[To steal a pun from Sufjan Stevens.]

It's not often you exit a strip club without having opened your wallet. I *almost* accomplished the deed last night...

The aforementioned type of venue has recently been set up within the Illinois Hotel on Parramatta Rd, Five Dock, by the operators of Sydney's Pure Platinum, Men's Gallery and Dancers Cabaret.

Our publication was lured to the launch by the promise of "free drinks all night". The press release also trumpeted appearances by 2005 "Big Brother" winner Greg Mathew, champion iron woman Candice Falzon, "Erotic Star" hosts Bessie Bardot and Geoff Barker, and beautiful girls in various states of undress.

But it was the "free drinks all night" bit that caught our collective attention.

In fact, the gratis grog dried up after a few hours, at which point CM and I hitched a lift back to the city with paparazzo DM.

Not that I'm ungrateful to the organisers. By that time, I'd accepted five bottles of Barons Lager, refused a mountain of hors d'oeuvres, and eyeballed performances by some of God's slinkiest and least bashful creations.

Given that the company paid for our taxis there, the sole cost to me was the $10 I slid beneath the garter of my No. 1 exotic dancer - a sassy brunette with madder pole skillz than Friar Tuck. It was the least I could do.