Duchess Satine Of Mandalore

I probably shoulda recorded my thoughts about Stephen Fry's humorous lecture/Q&A with Jennifer Byrne at the Steak'N'Kidney Opera House on Tuesday, but the moment for enthusiastically doing so has passed. And anyway, it was filmed for telly, so youse will get to viddy it eventually. Who knows - they may compile an even-better-than-what-I-saw best-of using material from his appearances here *and* in Melbourne.

What I am gonna do - before returning to an overdue freelance assignment (I'm the carry-over champ of procrastination) - is dash off a rave about yesterday's "SmackDown" show at Acer Arena, as it was pretty spesh. Not necessarily from a wrestling perspective, although there were entertaining bouts, but because we (meaning DL, CM and I) got closer to the WWE Superstars than usual - without being tasered.

Thanks to DL's charming industry connection, our triumvirate was provided with VIP wristbands that allowed us access to a large below-ground chamber of which I'd previously been unaware. While Eddie Punchclock and Sally Housecoat (to channel Monty Burns) awaited the commencement of the rasslin' festivities, we veeps were plied with booze and finger food (pity I'm on the wagon and had eaten a whole field of potatoes for lunch) as a selection of "names" trooped down a red carpet, happily pressing the flesh and posing for photos. I'm not one for pretending to like people just 'cos they're famous, but I reckon Kofi Kingston's the most exciting wrestler on the "SmackDown" roster at the mo', so I made sure I shook his hand.

On the way out, we received WWE gift bags and traded the contents amongst ourselves. (The sole bit of kit I decided to retain was a Kofi "Boom Squad" T-shirt, which I carefully held onto along with my scarf and cap all night, then idiotically lost while trudging to the Hockey Centre car park.) Catching the personned elevator back to the entry level, we devised a plan for using our tickets. You see, we had three very good seats in the gold section, plus one of the $1000 diamond jobs at ringside to share. It was agreed that I'd take the primo location for the opening two matches, CM would sit there for the next two, then DL - as the organiser and biggest wrestling aficionado - would stay there for the remainder. (A confession: I volunteered to go first as it involved the least amount of musical chairs and I'm a deadset fuddy-duddy.)

So. From my celeb's-eye-view, I witnessed the Hart Dynasty battle the Straight Edge Society (SES), with a run-in from Kane, followed by Cody Rhodes against MVP. That near to the action, you realise there's much more going on in the squared circle than it might seem. From the ref flipping a mouthy kid the bird when the lights temporarily dimmed to the constant chatter between the grapplers to the buckets of sweat and the minor injuries (Luke Gallows split the webbing between two fingers, Rhodes suffered a busted lip). There's a heap of heckling, too - unsurprising when (a) those responsible have forked out a grand for their spot, and (b) they know the jibes will be heard. When the Straight Edgers made their entrance, a dude yelled, "SES? State Emergency Service! Help me, me roof fell off!" Well, I laughed.

After tagging CM in, I assumed my proper position in the stands for a card that, while lacking heavyweights The Undertaker and CM Punk, did give us a memorable old-skool encounter (a portly post-op Matt Hardy vs Christian) and a "three-way dance" in which Rey Mysterio Jr, far and away the crowd favourite, 619ed both Jack Swagger and The Big Red Machine. Not that he won. C'mon, did you really imagine either Kane, Dolph Ziggler or Layla would "drop their straps" on tour in Oz?


Listening: "Only The Dead See The End Of The War" EP (2010) by Acrassicauda (ta, LA)
Mantra: "It's easier to have none than a little"
Curious term: null acronym