So I'm interested in solipsism...

(Or, less absurdly, "A bunch of fives")

FIVE FAUS PAX INVOLVING THE FAIRER SEX
1. In an intimate situation with a Brazilian babe, killing the mood and revealing a gap in my knowledge (I've since attained omniscience) by asking her to speak to me in Spanish. [Face palm!] The official language of Brazil is, of course, Portuguese.
2. When a female acquaintance requested I describe my ideal woman, enthusiastically painting a picture that was - I realised too late - her opposite in so many ways it must have sounded like tacit criticism. She should've scorned such tactlessness.
3. Wondering why the attractive lass across the aisle was waving at me...and waving...and waving. Feeling flattered (I wasn't even wearing Impulse), smiling and returning the gesture, then hearing a deep voice behind me say, "Oh, hi! How are you?" [Gulp]
4. Seeing a girl crying on another girl's shoulder in a club and deciding to play the paladin. Me, sauntering past: "Whoever he is, he's an idiot." Girl #1: [Keeps crying] Girl #2, with disdain: "It wasn't a break-up." Maybe her goldfish died.
5. Given a stare and the "Do you live around here?" line by a chick I'd just met (that won't happen again), I opted to take the enquiry at face value, point to a mate who was nearby and answer, "Yes, but he's staying with me at the moment." Thereby giving her the impression I was uninterested and possibly gay.
*** Hope those embarrassments gave you a laugh. They aren't the half of it. No surprises why I relate to "Beauty And The Geek" and "The Big Bang Theory". ***

THE FIVE REMAINING ZINES I GOT AT THE N/Y/W/F
1. "Book Lung": Scientists estimate 96.4% of poetry is word-vomit, devoid of insights into the mundane or the divine. Fortunately, this belongs to the magical 3.6%.
2. "Kenneth": I knew a Kenneth in junior high. His breakdancing name was Sphinx. That bears no relevance to this heartbreakingly candid account of beating anorexia.
3. "Nano Works": Struggled to pay attention to this (maybe it was the sepia tone) but did enjoy the outsider's view of the effect of the BHP's closure on Newcastle.
4. "Waku Waku:": Slickly presented western POV on ESL teaching and other gigs in Japan, with an emphasis on shopping, kawaii culture and onomatopoeic doubling.
5. "Can't Even Tell": Digital portraits, rough sketches and "Penny Arcade"-esque strips starring glammas, luchadores, robots, monsters, a professor, Michael Bay, etc.

MY FIVE TOP "2000AD" STRIPS FROM BACK IN THE DAY
1. "Slaine"
2. "The Ballad Of Halo Jones"
3. "Judge Anderson, Psi Division"
4. "Zenith"
5. "Button Man"
*** "Bix Barton" and "Journal Of Luke Kirby" narrowly miss the cut. I concluded that including "Tharg's Future Shocks" would be cheating. No Dredd - heresy? ***


D: Guinness 250th Anniversary Stout.

L: Complimentary "D/W/M" download "Doctor Who - The Mists Of Time" (Jo Grant to the fore), "Black Holes And Revelations" (2006) by Muse.

P: Recent PSP releases "Gran Turismo" and "MotorStorm - Arctic Edge" (ta, SC), as well as trying to conquer 2006 title "Marvel Ultimate Alliance" (ta, VK). Geez, that Nick Fury's an annoying prig. If I was a super mutie, I'd go renegade rather than take his orders. I bet I'd make less faux pas with women, too :-)

R: Re-enactment romp "I Believe In Yesterday - My Adventures In Living History" (2008) by Tim Moore, "Jack Of Fables #6 - The Big Book Of War" (2009) by Willingham/Sturges/Akins/Marzan Jr et al. I've also skim-read a stack of "Casino", "Poker News", "Opus" (my old uni rag is unrecognisable) and "New Scientist" mags (ta, EM).

W: Saint Stephen Of Fry's "Qi", the biting commentary and genuine hilarity of "Charlie Brooker's Gameswipe" (ta, PG), "21 Up America", "John Safran's Race Relations" (predictably outrageous), "WCG Ultimate Gamer", "The Sphinx Unmasked" (not about Kenneth from junior high), outstanding Beeb dramatisation of the Sinclair-Acorn computer war "Micro Men" (ta, PG), "The 39 Steps" (spiffing 2008 reworking that's also very silly), UFC #104.