Rhymes & misdemeanours

On Saturday morning, I woke at reasonable hour with a desperate desire to play "Moon Patrol" on the Atari VCS. Am yet to satisfy that particular craving. On Sunday, I fell out of a nightmare while it was still dark. I'd been dreaming that my legs were simultaneously on fire and being crushed. I realised I'd been yelling in distress in my sleep. And, just as I came awake, I thought I saw a shadowy form dart away from me into an upper corner of the room. The mind playing horrible tricks. Better to play "Moon Patrol"!

Moving on... I've had a notion for a while to do a blog about rude rhymes. The problem is there are so damn many of them. Maybe I can just do a simple little timeline...

"Boys are strong, like King Kong / Girls are weak - chuck 'em in the creek!"

I remember dudes chanting this in the playground in primary school. Just a few years later, the same guys would be practically begging our female classmates to give them the time of day.

"The one who smelt it dealt it", "The one who denied it supplied it", "Listen to this - too good to miss!", "Here I sit, broken-hearted / Tried to shit but only farted", etc.

Farts were always a popular topic for rude rhymes (and other humour). Perhaps the most popular.

"Hands off socks! Socks off cocks!"

At high-school camps, a Thing To Do if you were an annoying teenage boy (and we all were), was rise super early and wake everyone else. That on its own wasn't enough, though. You also had to imply the only reason the victims were still abed is they'd been masturbating. I recall lads from another hut coming to ours, banging on the door and repeatedly shouting the above.

"Eaters are cheaters."

I first heard this mantra from an ex-colleague while we were out drinking. Said fellow, while a genuinely nice person, has had his troubles with booze. At the time, I thought it was clever...even a good idea. In fact, it's the worst advice you can ever give in regard to alcohol consumption. Be like my sensible Japanese brother-in-law: when the food stops, he refuses to have more beer. Then you'll never make yourself ill.

Why "Moon Patrol"? When I switched towns as a kid, I stayed in contact with DJ. We lived too far apart for term-time visits but would occasionally crash at each other's joints during school hols. The Atari VCS was all the rage then. His town was considerably bigger and had a store where ya could rent carts. So he'd hire one for a week and bring it when he came to ours. The game that sticks in my memory is "Moon Patrol".