I don't want to just see the new "Indy"

I don't want to just see "Indiana Jones And The Dial Of Destiny".

Before it's released, I want to buy the novelisation from my local newsagent, read it more than once and pore over the colour plates in the middle. Later, I'll discover it has multiple differences to the film due to the writer working from an early draft of the script and adding in gonzo content of their own.

I also want to buy a poster book containing a giant quiz with a humorous rating system. I promise to learn the answers by heart.

I want a plastic "Dial Of Destiny" cup from Macca's.

And a half-arsed toy line I encounter a single time, in an out-of-the-way, overpriced toy shop. The Indy figs will be gone, so I'll purchase either Phoebe Waller-Bridge or Mads Mikkelsen's character. Whichever has the best gun.

It's imperative I have access to a poor simulation of the movie's key events for the Commodore 64 and/or a tie-in that bears absolutely no relation to them for the Atari VCS.

A "Dial Of Destiny" ice block or chocolate bar wouldn't go astray.

A "Mad" magazine parody is essential. (Yes, I know the mag's gone - they can resurrect it.)

Bog-standard trading cards. No special inserts, thanks. Except gum.

I want a totally different TV ad for the flick's second run, to get me excited all over again.

Then, when the VHS/Beta release is heading to the video store, I want to ask the staff if I can make an offer on the promotional poster...only to be told someone else has already reserved it.

I don't want to just see the new "Indy". I wanna experience it with so many friends, we have to travel to the cinema in a station wagon, a couple of us squashed into the back bit normally reserved for grocery bags and pet dogs. On the return journey, I will bore everyone by listing "changes" from the novel.