Burgers, beer and a blockbuster

On Wednesday, SC, RG, PG2 and I went: Hungry Jack's, Star Bar, Greater Union Cinema, Star Bar, KFC, transport of choice. Only one of those things requires further explanation...

"Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull" asks you to suspend disbelief – and keep suspending – for all you're worth, laugh along with its mish-mash of history and popular mystery where everything conveniently connects, tolerate scads of expositional dialogue and view its weather-beaten hero in a forgiving light.

If you can manage that, your reward is a jaw-socking, bullet-dodging, bomb-blasting, sword-swinging, vehicle-crashing, beastie-infested, cliff-hanging, rapids-riding, trap-springing, puzzle-solving spectacle that's packed with "Indy" continuity, Hollywood homage, genre-defying splendour and a finale both transcendant and mundane.

Movie review: "The Bank Job" (2008)

The gist: When a gang of short-order crooks are enlisted for a nothing-can-possibly-go-wrong bank robbery, they have no clue it'll wind up involving corrupt cops, pornographers, black activists, kinky pollies, spies and the British royal family!

Selling points: It actually happened! The crime took place in London in 1971 and was hastily hushed – this film claims to explain why (though aspects of the case have been fictionalised). Jason Statham and Saffron Burrows head a sterling cast.

It's kinda like: TV's "Life On Mars". While there's no time-hopping here, "T/B/J" captures the trappings and mood of the 70s just as faithfully. Also, any Statham actioner where he plays a gravel-voiced geezer with a gift for biff, ie. all of them.

Final word: The almost perfect crime.

[Australian cinema release date: July 31]

Colon, dash, close bracket

"D&D" was cancelled as our Dungeon Master Of Ceremonies (to steal a phrase from MC Chris) was busy with non-virtual life. I drank red wine regardless, microwaved poor man's nachos (baked beans, corn chips and sliced cheese), ate tangy rhubarb candy, perused issue #3 of "PiQ" magazine and had a gander at several new anime trailers. It made a change from thumping monsters.

Cheesy peas

Do you like football? Do you like podcasts? Then you'll love guardian.co.uk's free "Football Weekly" podcast! A mate had to recommend this repeatedly before the message penetrated my thick skull. Now I'm desperate for the next instalment from a crew as irreverent as they are incisive. You don't have to know jack about the round-ball sport to appreciate the wit of these fellas. However, it does help with the punchlines. Search for "Football Weekly" in the iTunes Store and you're on yer way! I can't wait for their Euro 2008 preview.

For "Sarah Jane Adventures" devotees...

I know I'm not alone :-) I just listened to BBC audiobook "The Glittering Storm" (Stephen Cole, 2007) and it captured the appeal of the telly series every bit as well as "The Thirteenth Stone". Where that yarn was about an evil Stonehenge-ish arrangement, this one involves mind-controlled gold thieves. I consider 'em bonus episodes.

How to improve "Australia's Next Top Model"

Replace host Jodhi Meares with judging panel member Charlotte Dawson. JM may be as nice as peach pie in reality, but her personality just doesn't come across and her delivery verges on the ro-bot-ic. Conversely, CD has proven with her memorable rants on the show and starring role on "Runway To LA" that she can pull off the difficult combo of stern and caring necessary for mentoring young charges.

Ditch "style director" Jonathan Pease in favour of occasional celeb guest Ian Thorpe. There's something about JP I don't like. He talks about needing to be tough on the contestants to prepare them for the big, bad modelling biz, but from my side of the television screen it borders on unnecessary meanness. Leaving aside the question of negative editing, IT seems to have an instant rapport with the gals and I reckon he could do the same job without making so many of them cry.

And finally...avoid male fashion designers/photographers/stylists who are clearly misogynists.

Wait for meee!

Thursday night

I'm a Newcastle Jets fan through and through, but I'll barrack for any A-League team that's in the Asian Champions League. Which is why I was on the edge of my lounge watching Adelaide United hold China's Changchun Yatai to a goaless draw to become the first Aussie outfit to reach the quarter-finals of the ACL. Good luck against Japan's Kashima Antlers in September, lads - with the amount of goals they scored in the group stage, you're gonna need it.

Friday evening

CM, AM and I were at the SFS to see our national women's and men's soccer teams. The Matildas beat Canada 2-1 in front of 3000 people, then the Socceroos defeated Ghana 1-0 before 10 times that number. The joke's on the 27,000 fans who didn't bother with the earlier game - it was the more exciting of the two. Karl Stefanovic, co-host of Nine's "Today" show, was a row ahead of us...initially. His grouped shifted elsewhere, possibly 'cos he was being sledged by drunks. Oh yeah, and the organisers mislaid the Ghanaian anthem and had to play it prior to the second half.

Saturday morning

Sister AK was meant to be "launching" her cute homemade toys on a market stall, but as they weren't quite ready yet, she and Mum just sold the usual bric-a-brac. This technicality allowed me to weasel out of going along to provide moral support, as I'd previously promised :-)

Saturday night

PB and I were at the SFS to see the NSW Waratahs meet the Sharks from Durban, RSA in the Super 14 semi-final. Our mascot, Tah Man, made a spectacular entrance by army chopper, then it was on with the rugby. Despite Kurtley Beale flubbing half a dozen kicks at goal, our defence proved too strong. We downed them 28-13 and will now meet the Crusaders in the final, to be held in Christchurch, NZ next Saturday. Post-match, Phil Waugh was honoured for his 100 Waratahs caps.

Sunday afternoon

"UFC #84: Ill Will" was as brutal as a spinning backfist to the temple!

Sunday evening

The "53rd Eurovision Song Contest" had a pleasingly high proportion of weirdos. If I were forced to listen to three of the acts again, I'd choose France, Bosnia & Herzegovina and...um, France. The voting was more politically biased than ever. Smashing presentation, though.


Book learnin': "I Love You, Beth Cooper" (2007) by Larry Doyle; "The Facts In The Case Of The Departure Of Miss Finch" (2008) by Neil Gaiman and Michael Zulli; and "Engleby" (2007) by Sebastian Faulks.

Siren songs: "Folk Uke" (2005) by Folk Uke.

New choc city: Mars Planets. These UK imports are kinda like Maltesers, but with three different types of filling (caramel, nougat and wafer).

Cockroaches 18 – Cane Toads 10

In a funny (but not haha funny) way, the thing I enjoyed most about NSW's State Of Origin victory over Queensland was when Anthony Laffranchi scored and the camera cut to a beaming "Joey" Johns. Ever since 'fessing up to years of drug abuse as a player, he'd looked like a man with his spirit broken. I was stoked to see one of rugby league's greatest back in the game as an assistant Blues coach.

"D&D" with SC, LF, NG, RG and A.

We're in your partially submerged base, killing your Kuo-toa.

(Let's not mention the incident with the tavern "girl".)

Raider of the lost bucks

Scratched an "Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull" lottery ticket and won back the $5 it cost. Reinvested that in another scratchie and did me dough. The moral: don't even dream about getting ahead - quit while you’re even!

DVD review: "The History Of The Devil" (2007)

The gist: Rather than sensationalise its subject for cheap shocks, this doco charts the evolution of our concept of an ultimate evil from a revolutionary idea centuries before Christianity to the present day.

Selling points: Classy production. Religious and lay scholars debunk and surprise, eg. how many of you knew the inspiration for hell was a Jewish garbage dump?

It's kinda like: Something you'd stumble onto while idly flipping stations, only to find yourself captivated by the constantly shifting visuals and authoritative narration. Shame it's crammed into less than an hour.

Final word: The devil's in the details.

[Australian release date: out now]

Matters of taste

Had invites to a pair of birthday bashes on Saturday. Declined the second on account of the first, then ditched that at the 11th hour, too. Physically, I was fine, but mentally I was utterly unenthused.

Felt more outgoing today and out I went. To the Kika tapas bar in Darlinghurst (in the vicinity of St Vincent's Private Hospital). Named after a 1993 Pedro Almodovar film, its decor mixes traditional ornaments (bullfight posters, wine bottles, dancer dolls, flags) with garish paints, leopardskin and plastic flowers in an over-the-top cool way. The food was plentiful and reasonably priced, if heavy on the salt. I had a tuna and green olive salad, deep-fried potatoes with a parsley and garlic sauce, and chorizo topped with stewed apple. I then skolled the entire complimentary bottle of water :-)

Second stop was the State Library, for the World Press Photo 08 exhibition. Ran into 3/4 of the M. family who warned me the pics were significantly darker than in 2007. How correct they were. The majority of images depicted violence, but all provided worthwhile insights. The scenes of the assassination of Pakistani politician Benazir Bhutto hit me hardest. How lucky I was to be born in a peaceful country.

My excursion terminated at the Museum of Contemporary Art. It's not Fiona Hall's fault that I'm biased against experimental art, but the fact remains that most of her retrospective, "Force Field", left me cold. There was no shortage of ideas, I just found the executions to be uninteresting at best, hideous at worst. The exception was her series of insect stencils on various currencies. And hey, it was free.

While I await the FA Cup kick-off...

...here's an assortment of articles that have been making life betterer.

* "High-Tech Heretic" (2000) by Clifford Stoll: In a nutshell - a computer is a tool, not a teacher. But if you think hearing that means you can skip this book, you're missing a comprehensive and erudite argument against electronic-based education.

* "The Booker - With Raven" (2008): DVD for hard-core wrestling dweebs. In a cross between a shoot interview and a "Geoffrey Robertson Hypothetical", Raven outlines ace storylines for Hall and Nash if they'd defected to ECW instead of WCW in '96.

* "Land Of The Free II" (2007) - Gamma Ray: Power metal pomp with crap-but-catchy Euro lyrics. Maiden-esque in parts, speedier in others, with choirs and keyboards (though the latter aren't credited, so they could be a figment of my imagination).

* Mint Chip M&M's: Dark green, light green and white candy shells containing a layer of chocolate surrounding a piece of what tastes exactly like a Peppermint Crisp. Mine came in a fundraiser box from, of all places, the counter at Kings Comics.

* "The Sarah Jane Adventures - The Thirteenth Stone" (2007) by Justin Richards: Neat audio spin-off that's read by SJ herself, Elisabeth Sladen. You know you're an Amazon junkie when you recognise the name of the person who processed your order :-)

* "LA Ink" (2007-): I recently boosted my cable TV package to include everything bar the movie channels. Been watching this reality show about a tattoo parlour every day on Discovery Travel & Living and it's rekindled my desire to get illustrated, man.

* LeAnn Rimes' "Nothin' Better To Do" video clip (2007): Forget Christina Aguilera and her "Candy Man", I'll get my retro thrills here. The all-growed-up (and how!) country singer plays a bad girl behind bars recounting where it all went wrong.

The two sides are now taking the field. More tomorrow...

w00t!

Just booked the transport and accommodation for my July getaway. Five nights in Brisbane for the inaugural Gencon Oz gaming convention and my sister EM's 30th, then three nights in Byron Bay to admire the scenery and relaxo to the maxo.

For those who care, I bought the four-day con pass and tickets to play "Call Of Cthulhu" (Lovecraftian horror), "Dawn Patrol" (WW1 dogfights), "Hunter Planet" (humorous sci-fi), "Iron Heroes" (swords'n'minimal sorcery), "Mutants & Masterminds" (supervillains), "Savage Worlds" (Vietnam War horror) and "The Eighth Sea" (pirates).

BC's farewell

Was like a hobo's beard - long and messy. Our alcoholic trajectory took us from pub to nudie bar to karaoke joint. Got home at 5am, slept 'til 9, but made it in to the office by 10! Stomach much improved after crumbed calamari. Dreadfully tired, though.

"D&D" with SC, LF, NG and RG

We have jawbone. Repeat: we have jawbone.

And my human cleric/rogue Healy McStealy - geddit? - is powering towards his third level :-)

Movie review: "The Orphanage" (2007)

The gist: An orphaned Spanish girl grows up, marries a rich doctor, adopts a sweet kid, reopens the institution where she spent her early childhood and they all live happily ever after. That's the plan, anyway. In reality, the seaside mansion's way creepy, a crazy crone's hanging round and our heroine's son has acquired a gang of imaginary friends...

Selling points: Just as Quentin Tarantino champions certain foreign fillums, this Spanish effort's got the weight of Guillermo Del Toro ("Hellboy", "Pan's Labyrinth") behind it – and he knows superior spookery when he sees it. Cinematography out the wazoo, a minimum of gore and – unlike 16/17 movies in the genre – an unambiguous finale.

It's kinda like: There are elements of GDT's "The Devil's Backbone" (also set in an orphanage) and "The Others". At one point, it veers into "The Exorcist" territory, but with a medium and electronic equipment rather than "an old priest and a young priest".

Final word: It won't cheat you and it will disturb you.

[Australian cinema release date: May 29]

Novocastria

Spent most of the weekend at my parents' house, feasting on their company and Mum's cooking. For Mother's Day, I got her a bottle of that new Rosemount O sparkling wine you have to serve over ice.

I did abscond for about four hours to practise my driving and drop in on JH and SH. She was busy preparing lessons for her class, but he was happy to have a chinwag. J. burnt me a disc with the first five episodes of season four "Who" (plus the "Confidential" documentaries). While I was there, we watched the [classic villain censored] two-parter.

My rail riding betwixt Sydders and Novocastria (as it's not called) was made bearable by Jacqueline Rayner's oh-so-inventive "Doctor Who: The Last Dodo" (2007) - the high-water mark of the present novel range.


Compulsory telly: Rugby league's Centenary Test (Kangaroos vs All Golds) and the AFL Hall Of Fame Tribute Match (Vics vs Dream Team).

Distinctly crispy: Thomas Chipman Rosemary & Thyme Potato Chips.

Venusian aikido

CD: "Doctor Who: Dreamtime" (2005) by Simon A. Forward. Big Finish thingummyjig #67. Doc The Seventh, Ace and Hex. Frankly dreadful mess in which Uluru flies through space!

HC: "Doctor Who: Sting Of The Zygons" (2007) by Stephen Cole. Doc The Tenth and Martha in period page-turner. The Lake District was luvverly in 1909...except for the angry aliens.

TV: "Human Weapon", Wednesdays, 8.30pm on Fox8. An MMA fighter and a former wrestler/grid ironer trot the globe investigating the history, practice and – most importantly – techniques of various martial arts. At the conclusion of each ep, one of them battles a master in that style.

Neil, Neil, orange peel!

It was like an indie-goth version of Sardines as fans crammed into Books Kinokuniya yesternight for an appearance by Pomgolian fantasist extraordinaire Neil Gaiman. Thanks to my loftiness, I was able to gain an unobstructed view from a behind-bookcase location others had avoided.

We've all seen publicity shots of NG, but while he does dress entirely in black and have a Robert Smith mop (and paunch), there's a touch of Keanu Reeves about his features; an unfinished handsomeness. I'd liken his mannerisms to my old uni buddy JS and his speech to that of Alan Rickman. Neil talking mirrors Neil writing – masterful word choice and pacing, wholly original expressions, flights of silliness, sudden profundity.

We were fortunate to hear an enthusiastic rendition of two passages from "The Graveyard Book" (on sale in October), which he describes as "The Jungle Book" relocated to a cemetery, ie. it's about a boy raised by ghosts. He voiced each character differently, nailed the jokes and generally held us spellbound. I can see why publishers get him to narrate his own audiobooks.

This was followed by a 20-minute Q&A session in which Mr Gaiman dealt kindly with the dumber queries and rewarded the thoughtful ones with details of projects currently underway (an "Anansi Boys" movie), on the backburner (his idea for a "Neverwhere 2") and happening in the future (a "secret" collaboration with Tori Amos).

Speaking of TA, there was a cute girl sitting right at the front – which would've required arriving yonks before I did – outfitted just like Delirium, the "Sandman" character based on the singer.

I didn't stay for the autograph session, but I was impressed when Neil announced he'd be breaking the rule that only his latest releases (anthology "M Is For Magic" and picture book "The Dangerous Alphabet") could be personalised. Big cheer from the crowd. He then assured us he wouldn't leave the desk until absolutely everyone's stuff had been signed, and if the folks at the end of the queue wanted to grab dinner and return later, that was fine by him.

What a champ.

Morrissey was wrong

We *like* it when our friends become successful...

For your film-making jobs: www.audienceproductions.com
For print/web design gigs: www.martinvinedesign.com

Blokes I know who know what they're doing.

Review: "Dash-In Dungeons (Basic Set)"

Wednesday Night Games, $85.80 (inc. postage) from www.dashindungeons.com

The gist: A role-playing game for 2-5 swords'n'sorcery-lovin' lads and lasses that doesn't require hardcover rulebooks, character sheets or funny-shaped dice – it's all done using almost 500 custom playing cards. One person runs the show and deals the cards, while the others play a band of brave/greedy adventurers.

Selling points: Forget long-winded political histories translated from Elvish, the emphasis here is on motoring through underground caverns, pounding the slime out of monsters, dodging traps and hoovering up money and magical devices. Did I mention it's the brainchild of an Aussie bloke named Mark McPherson and manufactured locally?

It's kinda like: "Dungeons & Dragons" without the bookkeeping – or, if you prefer, "World Of Warcraft" without the hermit factor. In fact, you can rip through a game of "Dash-In Dungeons" in only an hour, meaning you could theoretically play it during your lunchbreak (depending on the nerd-tolerance level of your workplace).

Final word: Everything you need for a great gaming session...except potato chips, pizza and beer, obviously.

The 'Gong

Despite having visited far-flung Australian locations such as Kakadu National Park and Rottnest Island, I'd never been to the steel city of Wollongong, a mere two hours south of Sydney. Situation rectified.

Rose early yesterday and caught a train from Central to Unanderra (pronounced "you-nan-dare-ah"). Very reminiscent of the journey to Newcastle, though with more undulating terrain and denser vegetation.

From the station, it was a 30-minute tromp through a light industrial area to the gate of the Nan Tien Buddhist Temple. Imposing Chinese buildings amid landscaped grounds. The landscape was dominated by an eight-storey pagoda ("Game Of Death"!). I had the set-menu vegetarian lunch, then took a guided tour of the grounds and museum. The staff were a great ad for the religion: cool, calm and collected.

Backtracking to the 'Gong proper, I checked into my hotel and sought directions to the Five Islands Brewery. It was on the ocean side of WIN Stadium and smaller than I'd envisaged. There were nine house beers available and I tried them all, while chatting to a German engineer and sassing the barmaids. Had a moment of clarity during my 10th glass that if I tried to repeat the feat, I'd experience what's known in competitive eating as "urges contrary to swallowing".

Phoned a cab from the Steelers Club around the corner as I'd been advised not to walk through the city alone at night. Which brings me to an observation: Wollongong, like Newcastle, is urban living with rural social problems. Number one being - as someone reliant on public transport is constantly made aware - disaffected youth. Don't ask me what the answer is, other than using a car to avoid the groups of roaming teenagers.

Safely in my room, I read the weekend edition of "The Illawarra Mercury". Decent content for a regional paper. I usually skip the real estate section, but I couldn't help noticing the prices weren't much better than here.

This morning saw me at the third and final tourist attraction of my mini-break: the Science Centre And Planetarium. Lots of hands-on exhibits demonstrating scientific principles. Better than Newie's Supernova (now part of the Hunter Regional Museum), but inferior to Canberra's heavily funded Questacon. Can't compare the planetarium to Perth's Scitech as the grown-up doco wasn't on until 3pm and I had a train to catch. The boss was nice enough to give me a lift to the nearest station.

Doubt I'll return to the 'Gong in a hurry, but at least I can say I've been there and done (a weird mix of) that :-)

City vs Country [no spoilers]

Whether you think the City vs Country rugby league game is a worthy annual tradition, an anachronism that's lost touch with "the bush", a form guide for NSW Origin selectors or an unnecessary risk to top players, there's no denying the two sides gave it everything tonight.


Chew little beauties: Tayto Snacktime Cheese & Ham Toasties ($2 an imported-from-Blighty bag at Treats From Home).