"Jackass: Number Two"

I'd need to see this movie a few more times before I could say whether it's equal to part one. It's pretty frickin' good, though. I left the screening with my face aching from alternately laughing and grimacing right the way through. There was so much reaction noise from the audience that it felt weirdly interactive. To describe any of the brilliantly sick'n'dangerous stunts would be to ruin the experience. But just to prove I was really there, look out for the cute retro musical number at the end :-) The second the DVD gets released for sale, I'm there, dude.

[Starts in Oz cinemas on November 23]

Unscheduled program

So I dashed from work to a venue called The Reel Room for a media screening of the "Dirty Sanchez" movie (a Welsh version of "Jackass"). After deadline yesterday and technical problems today, I was in need of some rock-driven schadenfreude. Exchanging pleasantries with the publicist and projectionist, I was handed the press kit for something called "The Story Of My Life".

"I think I'm at the wrong screening," I said, pulling up short.
"What movie did you want to see?" asked the publicist.
"Er...'Dirty Sanchez'," I answered sheepishly.
"Oh, that was cancelled," explained the publicist.
"No-one told me," I said.
"Typical," observed the projectionist.
"Um, what's 'The Story Of My Life'?" I enquired.
"It's a French romantic comedy," said the publicist with some amusement.
"A much better film," added the projectionist, "but you didn't hear that from me."
"OK, I'll see it."

And I did. And it had me chuckling the whole way through, leaving the theatrette feeling all warm and fuzzy, like I did after 2001's "Amelie" (God, has it been that long since I saw a French film?). Admittedly, the above is a simplified and condensed version of events, but you get the idea: a mix-up that turns out unexpectedly all right. That's the story of *my* life.

[Starts in Oz cinemas on October 19]

Friends make weekends

It's late and I'm tired, so I'll just say that since the last blog entry, I've had a couple of very enjoyable days with two groups of friends.

On Saturday, I went to dinner with DL and HV at a Mexican restaurant called The Chocolate Dog. It had a real homely atmosphere and the servings were huge. I ordered the tequila prawns which were delicious and came with a mound of spicy salad. Lucky I had clean hands as I had to shell the buggers at the table.

Agreeably stuffed, we then walked half a dozen blocks to a church hall for Ukuleleland III, a concert in which our mutual mate CM was performing. It's hard to praise the acts without sounding biased, but trust me when I say there was more variety than you might imagine (including a surreal comedy performance) and some excellent musicianship (Azo Bell is the Hendrix of the uke).

Today, I made the trek down to "The Shire" to my pal TC's place to play games with he and another buddy, LPO.

We started with the old Games Workshop boardgame "Ultramarines", in which rival chapters of Space Marines fight for control of alien artifacts. With a lot of beginner's luck (in both dice rolling and card drawing) and perhaps a little strategy, I emerged with the most booty AND managed to annihilate all of both my opponents' forces!

This was followed by three long, close, highly amusing multiplayer games of "Magic: The Gathering", using decks randomly chosen from the 10 Ravnica-block pre-cons (without replacement). Cinematically, we won one each. My victory came with the Gruul Wilding deck - it's good to see green/red's still kicking butt efficiently after all these years!

Last night as a Mastercard ad

* Four Junior Burgers to line the stomach - $7

* Ticket to heavy metal show at the Manning Bar, Sydney University - $45

* Six bottles of Hahn Premium - $30

* Tour T-shirt and Lord CD from merchandise stand - $45

* Singing along with the rest of the crowd as German band Atrocity performed an extended power metal cover of Tears For Fears' "Shout", assisted on vocals by Norway's Liv Kristine from Leaves' Eyes - PRICELESS

Truly, it was one of my most sublime concert experiences...even if I do prefer Visa.

Movie mini-review: "Pan's Labyrinth" (2006)

Ofelia (Ivana Baquero) is a young girl in WW2 Spain whose mother has remarried to a sadistic army captain. While her mum goes through a difficult pregnancy and her stepdad hunts and tortures the local resistance fighters, Ofelia escapes into fantasy books. Then a servant introduces her to the old stone maze of the title and she becomes caught up in a quest of hideous Barker-ian monsters, earthy magic and moral dilemmas no child should face. "Hellboy"’s Guillermo Del Toro has created something unique – an arthouse fairytale for adults whose beauty and horror will stay with you.

[Starts in Oz cinemas on November 30]

Movie mini-review: "Election" (2005)

In a quiet field in Kowloon, one man bludgeons another repeatedly with a length of pipe. The attacker demands the handover of a carved baton, but the victim’s only response is to recite a terrible oath. Suddenly, both their mobile phones ring and everything changes. Welcome to the contradictory world of the Hong Kong Triads, in which a democratic election means nothing unless the winner possesses an antique symbol of office. Here, gangsters take part in tea ceremonies, henchmen in Italian suits fight with machetes and loyalty is absolute...until it isn’t. This film is shockingly good.

[DVD released for sale in Oz tomorrow]

The rail thing

You may be surprised at how much you enjoy "Platform Souls: The Trainspotter As 20th-Century Hero" by Nicholas Whittaker. Like Sean Dooley's enthralling Aussie birdwatching memoir "The Big Twitch", it confirms the lengths to which people will pursue a hobby, while demolishing the modern stereotype - beloved of those seeking a cheap laugh - of the anoraked loser with the pen-packed pocket.

For the young Nicholas, 'spotting was less about memorising data to be rattled off Trump Card-style and more about catching as many trains as his pocket money would allow, all over England, without being caught. While doing that, sneaking into rail yards for closer inspections and, yes, underlining numbers in a book, he grew into a well-adjusted (definitely well-travelled) adult with a family and career.

Whittaker conveys the adventurous appeal of his fave pastime so successfully that you'll be wanting to give it a go long before the end. Where "T/B/T" filled me with the desire to grab some binoculars and hunt down a rarely seen species, "P/S" has me on the lookout for rail journeys I've yet to take that could lead to who-knows-where-and-what. Trainspotting in its purest form.

Higher ground

The humble soft-porn periodical on which I toil has shifted premises from a rundown building with zero security and negligible facilities to a gleaming, unassailable, showroom-shmick office tower.

Where once I stared out my window across at others staring out theirs, now I enjoy a floor-to-ceiling vista extending from the city through the inner suburbs, past verdant patches to distant water.

For so long it felt like our mag was a skeleton in the company cloakroom, kept around only for our revenue-generating ability. Today, it's like I've just won a comp I don't remember entering.

Do I deserve this prize? I don't know, but I'm gonna appreciate the hell out of it.

Footy talk

I'm still in shock about the Knights being so comprehensively knocked out of the rugby league finals by the Broncos last night...but, to be honest, I'd stopped feeling any pain when we were down 24-0 at half-time. Yes, we had key players out. Yes, we made silly mistakes. But 50-6? It was a Knightmare. I don't really care who wins now - I guess Melbourne deserve it. It'd be funny if they took out the NRL premiership and Sydney the AFL. So much for "heartlands".

There was some consolation for Novocastrians today as our soccer team the Jets managed a 2-2 draw with Sydney FC. I was there with my pals CM, AM and PB, and was proud of the way we fought back from 2-0 down. Both goals came from new boy Milton Rodriguez and Nick Carle almost stole it for us at the death with a shot that bounced off the crossbar. Considering our defensive problems and lack of spirit so far this season, it was as good as a win. We have lift-off!

New Science-fictionist

The September 16 issue of "New Scientist" (Australian version) contains a beaut, two-page story by Bruce Sterling entitled "I Saw The Best Minds Of My Generation Destroyed By Google". An inspired mix of fun-poking and the frighteningly possible make it a should-read. You could probably do so while standing in the newsagent, except then you'd miss out on the rest of a great mag.

Latest game

My buddy DL was going through his desk the other day, fished out a keyring with an LCD "Space Invaders" game attached and gave it to me. The batteries were dead but I bought some replacements today and it works perfectly.

It's an official Taito product and resembles an old Nintendo Game'N'Watch turned on its side. That is to say, the screen's higher than it is wide. I dunno why the designers chose this orientation as it means there are two screens of enemy aliens and protective bases to scroll between, upping the difficulty considerably.

My highest score so far's 13,900 on level 6 - at this point, the invaders become too fast for my dulled reflexes. I've yet to hit the UFO at the top of the screen.

Acting my shoe size

I woke in the early hours, under a doona on the couch, with a sore head, parched throat and no idea how I'd got there.

Retracing my steps, I found a sick bag (used) in the trash. My backpack, leather jacket and sneakers were strewn across the lounge room floor. Entering the bathroom, I discovered a trifecta of black spew stains in the basin, on the loo and (for some unknown reason) in the bathtub.

My first mistake had been going with colleagues to the pub on an empty stomach. My second was switching from beer to a spirit I'd been recommended (Jagermeister), then doing several shots of the delicious-at-the-time stuff with no idea of the cumulative effect they'd have.

Only limited brain recordings exist from this point.

The bouncer politely asking me to leave...chucking everything up in the loo at work...my good (and now trusted) friend SC convincing a cabbie to take me home on the understanding I keep a sick bag handy (just as well)...

Obviously, my instincts were enough to get me safely inside the flat, to empty out any remaining liquids and curl up somewhere warm to sleep off everything but the shame. Never before have I lost control to the point where I couldn't get home unassisted - it's given me a good scare.

I wear a size 13 or 14, depending on the brand of shoe.

Follow-ups

For those playing at home...

RE: Monday

My learned colleague CS assures me Christopher Hitchens is a terrible drunk these days and no longer worth the effort.

RE: Tuesday

Punter didn't let Pup have a bowl (probably because he didn't need to). MC didn't take any catches or affect any run-outs, either. I swear he really is an all-rounder :-)

RE: Wednesday

Fact: I wouldn't go to a Lukas-led Supernova concert for free, but I'd pay plenty to hear Dilana sing - even unaccompanied.

"Rock Star: Supernova" prediction

Lukas won't win because, although he looks and acts the part, he's not actually a very good vocalist. His delivery is uncontrolled and his diction is terrible.

Magni won't win either. He has too much attitude and gives lip to the Supernova dudes. Tommy Lee in particular seems to have taken a dislike to him.

Though easily the most talented and versatile (her "Roxanne" was a masterpiece), I don't believe Dilana's what the band are looking for. Meaning she won't win.

Toby will win because he's another Robbie Williams, an OK singer who makes up for it with cheeky charm and enthusiasm. Supernova want a party pal - he's it.

NB: I know it's partly an audience vote, but I do think viewers pick up on the band's reactions and the chemistry (or lack of) between them and the contestants.

Cricket season!

Australia are playing the West Indies in Kuala Lumpur, in the first game of the DLF one-day series (the other team is India).

It's being screened live on Fox Sports 2, so as far as I'm concerned, cricket season has started early!

I'm typing this in the dinner interval, with the Aussies having set the Windies a theoretically possible 280 for victory.

Michael Clarke (my second-favourite current player after Gilly) top scored with 81. Here's hoping he takes a wicket or two.

Five years later

I just read Christopher Hitchens' 9/11 piece "Never Again - America's New Mantra" in the "Sydney Morning Herald". I was hoping the author of "The Trial Of Henry Kissinger" - a book that'll pry your eyes upon with matchsticks about HK and his involvement in dodgy US foreign policy - could put things in perspective for me five years on. Twice through the article and I was forced to conclude Hitchens may be as confused as the rest of us shlubs. Sure, he gives a good summary of the blindness, the blunders and how American attitudes have changed. But it seems even his brilliant political mind can't satisfactorily explain the madness of that day.

DWCA turns 30, regenerates

Didn't feel like getting out of bed this morning, but forced myself to ablute, dress and catch two buses out to Drummoyne where The Doctor Who Club of Australia were celebrating their 30th anniversary.

Overall, it was worth the effort. I got to see rare footage and photos from the club's history, watch new UK docos, sit in on interviews (including one with a local guy who's made a fully functional "life-size" K9), catch up with AB from the once-mighty-now-miniscule Newcastle chapter, eat a decent steak meal, drink a few Sheaf Stouts and purchase a badge comemorating that most beautiful of machines, the Supermarine Spitfire.

The only bum note of the day was a discussion about fan clubs that suddenly turned into an anti-Arab rant. When it became clear the ranter wasn't going to listen to any of my calmly stated* counter-arguments, I had to walk away.

Thanks to the new series, attendance at Sydney DWCA meetings has risen noticeably in the past two years. Teens, twentysomethings and families are discovering what many of us always knew: "Doctor Who" is the greatest show in the galaxy :-)


*Not always the case with me.

22nd childhood

It sounds funny to call a book published in 1930 refreshing, but that's how I found Arthur Ransome's "Swallows And Amazons" (added to a recent Amazon US order out of curiousity). There's nothing unique about the story of six kids camping, exploring and making believe on their school holidays, except perhaps for the emphasis on sailing lore. But in our "nanny state", where so many outdoor activities are restricted, it was great reading of children climbing tall trees, lighting camp fires, boating at night and even staging a mock sea battle involving a replica cannon. What's more, they come through it all unscathed because they've been raised to go about things - even dangerous things - in the proper way.

The first in a series of twelve tales (which I now aim to collect for the future enjoyment of my nieces and nephews), "Swallows And Amazons" is chockers with charming aphorisms like, "There's no room in anybody for a cold if they're full up with hot porridge" (p338). Today's kids could do with being fed more of that.

A holiday takes shape

I have to go to Brisbane in mid-October for the wedding of my sister EW to a top bloke named TM. I've been to Bris Vegas before but never stayed long enough to look around. This time, I plan to rectify that situation.

I'm getting a lift there in my parents' car and they've generously taken care of my accommodation for the stopover on the way, plus the nights before and after the ceremony. After that, I'm on my own...well, except for any other relos who decide to stick around for some sightseeing.

Taking a holiday from work wasn't a problem - I booked it as soon as the happy couple made their announcement. Unfortunately, I then spent months procrastinating about how long to stay on in Brissie, what to do and how to get home. This week, I finally made up my mind, booked five nights at a hotel in the CBD and bought a train ticket back to Sydney.

This return journey will take me 14.5 hours, which to some folk might sound like hell on rails. Not me. I sat up all the way from Sydney to Perth on the Indian Pacific - a three-day trip - without much trouble. Besides, trains are so much more romantic than cars or (shudder) planes. It already feels like an adventure!

Happy place

It could be several glasses of their smoky Rauch lager - a gold medal-winner at this year's World Beer Cup - talking, but I reckon the Redoak Boutique Beer Cafe does the best bangers'n'mash in Sydney. The pork sausages were the tastiest I've had in years, cooked just right so their thin pale skins were barely sizzled. I couldn't fault the parmesan mashed potato and the conglomeration of fried onion rings atop it all was chewy fun. I'm not sure what made the gravy so deliciously rich, but they oughta bottle it along with all the other award-winning brews. The alcoholically inclined among you should definitely visit this place if ya get the chance.

In between all the telly...

I'm reading "The Eight" by Katherine Neville, an historical-mumbo-jumbo-mystery in the mould of Dan Brown's "The Da Vinci Code"...except it was published 15 years earlier and is 30 times better. And don't get me wrong, I enjoyed "T/D/V/C".

No. 1 on my playlist is the new Iron Maiden album, "A Matter Of Life And Death". It's great to hear da boyz (particularly Bruce) still experimenting after all this time, while retaining their signature layered guitar and darkly thoughtful lyrics.

Two steps forward, one step back

Got to work this morning to find the toys, post-its and other crap that normally adorns my computer pushed to one side. The CPU had been replaced and, on logging in, I found myself confronted not with Windows NT but (the latest?) XP.

Needless to say, I complained bitterly and at length (apologies to any coworkers reading). I then spent the day silencing the bells'n'whistles that were either ugly, over-complicated or superfluous to my needs - which was most of them.

Tomorrow, we switch layout software from Adobe Indesign 2.0 to CS, which sounds like it could be problematic. Thankfully, CM, DL, HV, CS, SC and I are off to a microbrewery in the evening. If I can hang on that long, I should be OK :-)

Caveat

If I update this blog less frequently from now on, and resort to more evil cliches, blame my brand-new Foxtel digital cable connection. For an armchair sports fanatic, it's what David Lee Roth would call "just like living in paradise".

In the past 24 hours, while throwing my body clock out the window, I've watched:
* All of three A-League soccer games
* Most of four NRL rugby league games
* Some of the Springboks v All-Blacks rugby union game
* Some of the England v Andorra soccer game
* Highlights of the England v Pakistan cricket one-dayer
* WWE "Smackdown"
* An episode of boxing reality series "The Contender"
* A bass fishing tournament (shockingly good)

Amazingly, I still managed to do all my weekend housework/shopping, but it was a close thing :-) Gotta go - it's almost time for "Rock Star: Supernova".

Sydney University 16 - Randwick 10

Despite the above score, I didn't leave Aussie Stadium feeling disappointed after yesterday's Toohey's New Cup rugby union grand final. The Galloping Greens gave it everything they had, coming back from 13-0 down at half-time and desperately attacking the Students' try line for what seemed like five minutes after the final siren*. Furthermore, I was in the company of my friends PB and VB, with whom I'd just had a nice meal at the Balkan Seafood Grill, so the day was never gonna be anything but enjoyable. Better luck next year, Randwick.

*For those who've never followed the game, a converted try would have seen us steal the win 17-16.

Dear bar staff

When the change from my drink should be all notes, don't substitute one of them for coins and place these in front of me on a dish in a not-so-subtle hint that I should leave some behind as a tip.

Especially don't do this when (a) there are no other customers at the bar and you have nothing else to do but serve me and (b) it's my first purchase of the day and I haven't had the chance to be grateful for anything.

Whatever you do, don't compound your error by deliberately ignoring me when I return to the (once again uncrowded) bar, forcing one of your colleagues from the adjacent section to take my order.

Call me mad, but in a country where tipping is optional, I prefer to leave a gratuity only after I've established whether the product and/or service is any good. Earn your tip, don't just expect it!

[End of whinge.]