The formula

A fellow magazine subeditor described article writing to me thusly:

"Tell 'em what you're gonna tell 'em. Then tell 'em. Then tell 'em what you just told 'em."

Cynical? Yes. Accurate? Also yes.

Recent viewing

"Amsterdam": Stars? Check! Sets? Check! Script? Er...um...

"Beijing Taxi": Developing China through cabbies' eyes. Minor masterpiece.

"Dial M For Murder": Hitchcock perfect-murder thriller fills knowledge gap.

"Flag Day": Conman's faithful daughter learns the hardest way.

"Strange World": Fantastic-looking renewable-energy, social-equality voyage.

[Seen on Disney+, Kanopy x3, Disney+.]

TBT

A rival weekly uncovered a saucy photo shoot done by a contestant on a popular reality TV show. The problem: said lady was already "up for eviction" and expected to go. Their solution (I heard from a reliable source): paying a temp to sit in a room with a phone, repeatedly voting for an alternative potential evictee. It apparently worked. The lass lasted an extra week - long enough for the ish with the pics to reach newsagencies. Cunning buggers.

Recent viewing

After posting yesterday's silliness, I remembered another rumour from my younger years:

- There's a guy in England who has all of the missing "Doctor Who" episodes but refuses to share them with the BBC.

OK, on with the filmses. One required a bit more explanation. The rest only needed seven words...

"Alien From L.A.": Insane Albert Pyun jam. Jules Verne quest meets "Mad Max" dystopia meets New Romantic fashion meets...erm, Kathy Ireland. With a dash of "Wizard Of Oz". Underground Atlantean aliens! P.S. It's terrible.

"Alien Resurrection": Rewatch. Stylish yet uneven. Interesting yet misguided.

"Closing Gambit": Deeply enthralling account of Karpov versus Korchnoi.

"Dangerous Moves": Was searching for Oz horror "Dangerous Game" :-)

"Night At The Museum - Kahmunrah Rises Again": Such a familiar arc, I dozed off.

"Ride - A Brutal Fairytale": BMX stars experience success, love, tragedy, triumph.

"Secret Origins": Satisfying Spanish, superhero-themed serial-killer hunt.

[Seen on: Prime, Disney+, Prime x2, Disney+, ABC iview, Netflix.]

10 red-hot rumours...from my youth

(Spanning my early teens to early 20s. Not in chronological order.)

- Winona Ryder is going to play Battle Angel Alita.

- After a Slayer concert, the police found a severed head.

- If you beat "Way Of The Exploding Fist" enough times, you fight the old man in the background.^

- [Fellow student's name] is pregnant to a member of Duran Duran.^^

- "WarGames" was a true story.

- The largest library of books on witchcraft is in the basement of The Vatican.

- Bruce Lee died because he had 0% body fat.^^^

- McDonald's apple pies are made entirely of choko.

- Cops patrolling the Nullarbor Plain drive [insert the ridiculously high-speed sports car of your choice].

- "Magic: The Gathering" cards contain an addictive drug that's absorbed through the fingers!

^There've been similar rumours about MANY fighting games.

^^In the instance I'm recollecting, the rumour was begun by the gal herself!

^^^No offence to Bruce's memory. RIP, legend.

Further adventures in journalism

* I interviewed someone who I found likeable and smart, and wrote a nice article about them. Then it was revealed elswhere that they'd done porn before they were famous. There was a scandal and, to my knowledge, they've never been heard from in the media since. I hope they're living a quiet, happy life.

* Another time, I took a call from a person in the US wanting to know if they could purchase EVERY issue of the magazine. My first thought: "Lawsuit." Fortuntately for us, it turned out to be an over-excited new fan. On learning how long the mag had existed, they promptly abandonded the notion of owning a full set.

When I recounted the incident to JC years later, he told me a similar thing had happened to him while working on a different publication - except it *was* the scenario I'd feared, i.e. a precursor to legal action. I'm sure the lawyers settled out of court, as so often seemed to be the case in publishing.

* We spent MONTHS promoting a modelling competition in conjunction with a calendar maker, profiling each of the competitors. I can't recall if all of the ladies got to feature in a future cal, but I believe the winner scored the cover (plus prizes). When it was time for the partner company to announce who'd won, and for us to celebrate her in a big article, the model was a ring-in we'd never seen or heard of before! [sigh] Such a dodgy business.

Marketing deportment

Once upon a time on a magazine beginning with "P", we were suddenly informed that we had a marketing budget which could be spent however we liked (within reason).

DL voted for installing a garden shed in our high-rise office. Presumably, it could be used for a funny photo shoot or two starring a half-naked model. He always voted for a shed, and I'm not sure he didn't eventually get his wish, after I'd moved on from the mag.

Of the many other suggestions, my favourite was sponsoring a racing greyhound. We could report on its progress within our pages. Go watch it live. Best of all, we could give it a nickname that was secretly rude...if you were one of our readers who knew the lingo, e.g. Smootown Boy.

It briefly looked like it might happen, until the idea was nixed from above. We ended up giving away a Harley-Davidson motorcycle. From memory, the winner wasn't into bikes and said he was gonna sell it. Other readers who would have traded their left nut for a Harley were irate.

I call that bad marketing!

Instead of a picture of a greyhound, here's the clip for the classic Hoodoo Gurus song "My Girl" - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWxbVuhivkA

Recent viewing

(In seven words.)

"Arab Blues": Bringing French psychoanalysis home to conflicted Tunisia.

"Big Bang In Pyongyang": Say what you like - an amazing game.

"Carry On Columbus": Last watched this in 1992. Error repeated.

"Fistful Of Vengeance": Martial arts, myth/magic, melodrama, music, mayhem!

"The Batman": Extremely well made. Perfect tone. Too long!

"The Condemned": The violence against women really bothered me.

"The Day Shift": Quality vamp-slaying, but wholly predictable yarn.

[Seen on: Kanopy x2, Prime, Netflix x4.]

Might as well jump

I was in an, ahem, gentlemen's club years ago. Management had declared the night a private party, so everyone (punters, bar staff, wait staff, dancers) had been shifted into a smaller upstairs room with its own little stage. The main area, with loads of tables'n'chairs/lounges and a multi-section stage, was deserted and only dimly lit. However, you still had to walk through there to reach the men's bathroom.

Heading to the loo to relieve myself of a few criminally overpriced lagers, with no-one else around, I was seized by a childish urge and jumped down the stairs. At that instant, a dancer was walking out of their dressing room, bound for the party. Her face broke into a grin. "I saw that," she said, grinning more. I smiled back and shrugged. It was a real, unguarded moment in a place built on illusion.