Insomnia bookshelf

Ripped through some deluxe-o-matic comic books in the wee hours...

* "The Playwright" (2010) by Daren White and Eddie Campbell - lonely writer overthinks it all, finds girls but loses words, reaches a conclusion.

* "Jack Of Fables Vol. #7" (2010) by A Bunch Of Folks - Jack Frost dons the mantle of hero for hire in the lands of effed-up fairytales and literary allusion. Meanwhile, his pop/predecessor undergoes a transformation...

* "Batwoman: Elegy" (2010) by Greg Rucka and JH Williams III - Blair Butler was right about this being an engaging yarn, artistic tour de force and a must-buy. Gimme Kate Kane over Bruce Wayne any Gotham day!

* "Beasts Of Burden: Animal Rites" (2010) by Evan Dorkin and Jill Thompson - "Buffy: T/V/S" but with talking dogs, cats, etc. sleuthing the supernatural threats. Shouldn't work. Does.


Listening: "Hullabaloo" [disc one] (2002) by Muse. They're B-sides for a reason, but perfectly acceptable as ambient noise.

Beggar cavalry

At the ideal "Magic: The Gathering" tournament, the room is brightly lit and well ventilated. The competitors, who aren't exclusively male, have been in recent contact with running water, underarm and toothpaste. There are no serial snivellers or phlegmy coughers, spreading their dark blessings via clammy handshake like Nurgle's Champions. The facilities aren't cramped and the event runs to schedule.

This weekend's coverage of the Australian Nationals on Wizards.com kindled a desire in me to re-enter the "M:TG" arena to test my skill at creating and piloting decks, but it's an urge that, sadly, I must suppress. Because these days local tourneys seem to be the total opposite of the above model. When I hesitantly reported to a hobby store for one of the "M11" pre-releases, the atmosphere was akin to a convention for unwashed, plague-incubating, anarchist troglodytes with poor dental hygiene. I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

(If you've stumbled on this and are feeling personally offended, let's assume you were among the exceptions at the P/R. But how could you stand that poisonous fug?)

Expensive poopz

Here's what my parents, CM and I degusted at Tetsuya's restaurant over four hours on this fine eve:

* Fresh bread rolls with truffle and cream cheese(?) butter
* Warm chestnut soup
* Oysters with [can't recall] oil and lime (an optional course that we couldn't resist)
* Sashimi of kingfish with black bean and orange
* New Zealand scampi tails with curd and scampi jus
* Confit Petuna ocean trout with konbu, celery and apple (HIS SIGNATURE DISH; served with a side salad of seasonal greens)
* Grilled fillet of barramundi with braised wood ear and chestnut mushrooms
* Braised ox tail with sea cucumber and yuzu
* Twice-cooked deboned spatchcock with Manjimup truffle and barley risotto (I'm positive this had a foie gras component, too...)
* Grass-fed Tasmanian Angus beef with Swiss browns and porcini
* Pear sorbet with bread'n'butter pudding
* Strawberries with balsamic cream and balsamic sugar
* Salted sable with lemon-scented leatherwood honey (they gave Mum a birthday chocolate pudding instead)
* Coffee or tea and macarons (blood orange, pistachio and mocha varieties)

Yeah, 12-14 courses, depending on your POV. The menfolk also had the matching beverages - a chilled sake, three whites, three reds and two dessert wines. My mother's not much of a drinker and was content with the occasional sip from Dad's glass.

The highlights were the kingfish, the trout (OF COURSE), the ox, the sorbet and pudding double act, and the zingy strawbs. If anyone's wondering, the super-strong orange was declared by majority vote to be the ultimate in macaron technology.

Tetsuya's specialty was the only item on the set menu unchanged from when CM and I visited with his oldies in November. We both thought this line-up was superior, although I missed the duck with beetroot and pepperberries. I'd also be prepared to argue that the chilled corn soup with saffron and vanilla ice-cream we ate then had a greater "wow" factor than tonight's chestnut. However, to do so would be churlish when it's a spring/winter thang and I'm sitting here grinning and patting my belly like a ferret in a rabbit burrow.


[25/07: Amended points 12 and 13.]

Deggulp

Take a gander at uberwensch.com, the web attic of a colleague whose naturally flowing prose, political astuteness and emotional lexicon shame my staccato bursts of the humdrum. What's more, she may actually have something to say.

It's a dusty term "wench" and not oft uttered - unironically - away from the "D&D" table, where it tends to hang out in seedy taverns by the docks. Whenever I do come across it, though, I'm reminded of the first time I set foot in the union building at uni. Examining a noticeboard, my innocent eye was drawn to a scrap of paper bearing a handwritten plea: "Come back, wench! All is forgiven." "WTF?" I asked myself, or would have if only that acronym had existed in the Third Year Of The Pheasant during the reign of King Galfrax.

Nanny statement

The doco "Lizard Kings", screened on ABC1 on the Sunday just gone, was prefaced by a disclaimer: "VIEWER ADVICE - The following program contains animals hunting and eating prey in the wild." This annoyed me for a few reasons. Firstly, it's a given that a wildlife program about predatory reptiles will contain such scenes and, therefore, that fact should go _without saying_. Secondly, it's an example of Auntie mollycoddling her audience. (The warning would be somewhat understandable if the show was broadcast during the day when tiny tots might be watching and get upset, but this was a 7.30pm starter.) And thirdly, it suggests that the ABC may have been prompted to display the message by past complaints from cretinous individuals wishing to live their lives wrapped in cotton wool. End of rant...except to add that "L/K" was extremely enlightening. Monitors (or goannas, to us Aussies) were shown to "intelligently" plan ahead when hunting and, under laboratory conditions, quickly and successfully adapt to choice-making tasks. It was even alleged that creatures studied have performed feats that required counting as high as six! The footage of the London Zoo handler whistling up his 10-year-old komodo dragon charge and scritching it like a dog - attention the animal clearly relished - was nothing short of astonishing.


Reading: "Spud: Learning To Fly" (2009) by John Van De Ruit
Listening: "@#%&*! Smilers" (2008) by Aimee Mann (her censored swear, not mine - lest you cry hypocrite)

Army of one

Lads' do done and dusted, I'm back to "Duels Of The Planeswalkers". Having aced all of the single-player matches/puzzles in the original release AND the expansion set (that Nicol Bolas was tricksy), I've plugged in a long-neglected gamepad and am working my way through co-op mode, juggling a controller in each paw.

Flyaway strand

I plan on abstaining from alcohol for a while. For the detoxification aspect and 'cos I'm sick of remembering drunken conversations where I was spouting rubbish. It's not me - or rather, it's not the me I want me to be. But before I enter my dry spell (shades of "I'll start the diet next week"...), I have a final grog-centric appointment to keep: a rendezvous with DJ, DQ and DW. DJ and I went to private school together from kindergarten through to university (minus Years 5 and 6, when I shifted elsewhere). DQ and DW I met in Year 7 and they were also on the scene to college and beyond. Given that one musketeer now lives o/s and the three of us here reside in different towns, it's rare that we're all in the same place at the same time - and something to be celebrated. That place and time is Raymond Terrace tomorrow evening and the celebration will unavoidably entail formidable quantities of liquor. So don't expect any of my DGN pages to be updated 'til Tues. or Wed. I'll be busy sobering up and shaking my head at whatever nonsense I said.

Divers purfuits

Twin Peeks at Woolloomooloo, the venue alluded to in the preceding entry, turned out to be hilarious, outrageous fun. I'll give you one example - when you ask for cracked pepper on your (quite decent) entree or main, the gorgeous, near-nekkid waitress grinds her bum in your lap as she grinds the canister over your plate. Find out the rest of it for yourselves :-)

Also fun, though unlikely to attract hordes of extended-lunching, besuited businessfolk for a boozy Friday afternoon, is "Age Of Fable" (www.ageoffable.net). It's basically a huge online version of a "Fighting Fantasy" gamebook, with more advanced and fully customisable characters, random encounters, loads of bad puns, an eclectic array of fantasy images, and a bastard difficulty level (I'm yet to see a "happy" ending) that's counterbalanced by its scope and quirky charm.

My "A/O/F" death count would be significantly higher had I not, on a midnight whim, installed game platform Steam and DLed "Duels Of The Planeswalkers" for the bargain price of US$9.99. Crap on a crumpet, this thing is addictive! I was glued to the mouse/monitor until 5am solving all of the "Magic: The Puzzling"-type challenges, duelling and defeating the first eight rival planeswalkers, unlocking new cards for my decks and accumulating various other Poindexterish achievements.

Before I descend into "D/O/T/P" dependence again, have you heard about the mysterious demise of Edgar Allan Poe? They were discussing it on the Big Finish July podcast and I thought it was fascinating - off his chops in the street, wearing clothes that weren't his own and, for no obvious reason, repeatedly calling out the name "Reynolds". Wiki it here - http://bit.ly/1gCHve


Reading: "Creatures Of The Pool" (2010) by Ramsey Campbell
Listening: "Head Of The Hawk" (2009) by Bluejuice

The freckles on Olivia Munn's nose

Tomorrow, I'll be attending a workmate's send-off at a strip club seemingly unlike the establishments I've frequented in the past. Located in a discreet building in a well-to-do suburb, it charges a flat fee per head, for which you receive a two-course meal and "three full-nude cabaret shows". The official site even has a downloadable wine list. Frankly, it all sounds a bit civilised... Famous last words?

Baksheesh

On a scale of zero to Kate Bush (ie. musical perfection), I'd rate Milla Jovovich up there with Tori and, assuming she stays her present course, Marina. Sadly, the cat-eyed, Ukrainian-born model/actress (did "slashie" ever catch on?) has only favoured us with a lone CD: 1994's "The Divine Comedy". Happily, she continues to dabble in tunesmithing and makes her demos (as of this morning, they number 18) available as free .mp3s on her amazingly extensive homepage, www.millaj.com. While none of these tracks match the polish or depth of the "T/D/C" songs, together they form an agreeably trippy little album that has its moments.

Apt description

"Catholicism is a language of smells, bells, pomp, hierarchy and obedience, and monarchs like all of those things. It's no wonder that Charles himself says, 'There's no religion in the world that matches the dignity of a king better than Catholicism'" - Professor Ronald Hutton of Bristol University speaking about Charles II on "Terry Jones' Great Map Mystery" (ep. four, 2008).

Vegging out

On the menu tonight is a tin of Heinz Eight Vegetables soup and half a loaf of homemade bread. My scurvy-ridden carcass will take any vegies it can get, but out of interest, I consulted the label to uncover the octet in question. Celery, sweet potatoes, potatoes, carrots, onion, red capsicum, zucchini, peas, spinach...um, isn't that nine? Oh, I get it, they're being cute and not counting zucchini because it's a fruit and no-one wants to eat fruit soup. Except, aren't peas legumes? In which case, they should be left off the tally as well. Then again, both are treated as veg for the purposes of cooking, so common sense says it's really Nine Vegetables soup. I dunno what they're playing at over at Heinz HQ, but at least they resisted including corn. If you haven't watched the 2008 documentary "Food, Inc.", MASSIVE subsidisation of that crop by the US government (a practice which our govt and others have formally bitched about) means it's in EVERYTHING. But hang on, what's next on the list of ingredients? Goddamn maize starch. I'm sure a corn extract doesn't remotely qualify as a 10th vegie. Er, does it?

Monosodium glutamate

"The Infinite Monkey Cage" is a light-hearted weekly science show on BBC Radio 4 hosted by Brian Cox (champion telly physicist and former member of pop group D:Ream) and Robin Ince (stand-up comedian and mate/whipping boy of Ricky Gervais).

The theme of the latest half-hour episode is science fiction and the learned guests are Alan Moore, Wossy and Brian Greene (another telly physicist and the only non-Brit). You can listen to their lively convo here - www.bbc.co.uk/podcasts/series/timc

Trust me, it's terrific.

TTPP

The Terry Pratchett Prize will reward the best alternate-Earth yarn of 80-150k words by a previously unpublished Commonwealth novelist - www.terrypratchett.co.uk/news/termsandconditions.html. (Cribbed from Dreamer Easy.)

The sounds of science

This site just gets better and better - www.symphonyofscience.com. And it's too important for a fleeting tweeting.

First contact - last warning

I want to write a murder mystery that begins, like so many, with a dead body being discovered by a fella walking his dog in bushland. The twist will be that, having eliminated all other possibilities, the police ultimately come to the realisation that it must have been the dog-walker who committed the crime. They arrest him and he confesses. All I need is a net full of red herrings involving the victim's initially suspicious family and friends to plug the gap in between :-)