The score (as known by Alan Moore)

At the cessation of hostilities in the latest Ultimate Fighting Championship pay-per-view, I'd successfully tipped 4/5 of the main-card stoushes (see "'UFC #111' hunches", below). I falsely assumed Frank Mir would submit Shane Carwin using a heel hook, but with heavyweights of their punching power, unconsciousness is only ever a 1-2 combination away. Pity for Frank that the ref let the pulverising continue to 7-8-9... I'm also gonna claim that I nominated Rousimar Palhares to easily defeat Tomasz Drwal (which he did) and Rodney Wallace to overwhelm Jared Hamman or gas out and lose (which he sorta did) when their prelim bouts were inserted as gap-fillers. Except that there's no-one to verify these retroactive assertions 'cos NONE of the jokers I invited over to watch the PPV showed. So 4/5, then.

RE: "Call to arms" blog entry - CS reminded me of an additional quality Australian flick released post-"Kokoda", viz. "Balibo".

Now at last it can be told

Friday, April 9 is my final day on the weekly men's magazine where I've toiled for many a year. In search of a career "reset" and wanting to challenge my complacent self, I'm bidding a reluctant farewell to my coworkers and relocating to...the next room, to take up a similar post on a monthly men's magazine. All flippancy aside, the new rag differs greatly in subject matter and tone - and just looks like fun, frankly. (Hint: It shares its name with a character from "Happy Days".)

"UFC #111" hunches

St-Pierre, Mir, Pellegrino, Fitch, Miller. Come Sunday arvo (on the Antipodean clock), you may laud or pillory me as I deserve.

Call to arms

There's an unofficial embargo until Monday, so I'll simply state that "Beneath Hill 60" - the "based on true events" story of Aussie tunnellers operating along the Western Front in WW1 - is the best locally produced effort since 2006's "Kokoda". OK, "Mao's Last Dancer" (2009) was also worthwhile and possibly a couple of others I've forgotten. Or, then again, possibly not. My point is it's a welcome change from depressing, drug-ridden urban drama driven by senseless crime. To respond to the logical objection: "B/H/60" doesn't deny the senselessness of war. It does, however, manage to glorify individual deeds while vividly depicting the horrors of a situation. This isn't pro-conflict, it's pro-bravery and pro-ingenuity. And it's an important piece of our military history. Don't you dare see another Hollywood war movie before watching "Beneath Hill 60".

A perfect world?

Cuisine: Japanese
Booze: Scottish
Literature: Russian
Film: French
Telly: English
Music: American
Toys & games: German
Art: Chinese
Sport: Australian
Architecture: Spanish
Clothing: Italian
Vehicles: Swedish

I dunno about a perfect world, but it'd certainly be a weird one. No doubt I'll look back on this exercise in five years, when my tastes have matured, and say, "Pah! Idiot! It should have been Belgian booze."

Readers are encouraged to submit their own choices (sorry, CM, the list has doubled since I mentioned it to you). Note that ya can't select the same nationality for multiple categories. Which makes it tricky, trust me.

Have I missed any major area of our lives?

When epithets attack

Managed to hear naught about "UFC: Vera Vs Jones" before viewing the delayed telecast on Aussie free-to-air channel ONE tonight. Prior to each human cockfight...I'm kidding, folks, only an ignoramus would use that term. Prior to each athletic-commission sanctioned, strictly refereed bout between two expert mixed martial artists, I jotted down my predicted victor and gave a brief explanation. Here's how I fared -

* Alessio "Legionarius" Sakara versus James "The Sandman" Irvin
PREDICTION: Sakara by KO due to Irvin being energy-drained from cutting too many pounds.
RESULT: The expected outcome in unexpected fashion. The fight was halted after a dazed James complained of what he thought was a poke in the peeper. The replay revealed it to be a clean shot dead on the eyeball and Alessio was awarded the knockout.

* Cheick Kongo (not his actual surname, his dad is Congolese) versus Paul "The Headhunter" Buentello
PREDICTION: Excellent strategist Kongo over slugger Buentello.
RESULT: No surprise here. More controversy, though, as Cheick drove an illegal knee into the face of his downed opponent and had a point subtracted. Then Paul badly dislocated his little finger and tried in vain to wiggle it into the socket. Eventually, the ringside doc had to do it.

* Junior "Gypsy"* Dos Santos versus Gabriel "Big Nose"^ Gonzaga
PREDICTION: A close call, with Gonzaga getting the nod by virtue of his superior kicks and jiu-jitsu.
RESULT: Wrong! While throwing a kick, Gabe was nailed with the kind of punch that causes you to forget the colour of orange juice.
^I'm sure these nicknames sound scarier in Brazilian.

* John "Doomsday" Howard versus Daniel "Ninja" Roberts
PREDICTION: Not very familiar with either combatant, I gambled on the experienced Howard to beat UFC newcomer Roberts.
RESULT: Lucky. John was in danger from submission attempts and such right up to the moment where he floored Daniel, then hammered his gaga competitor until the ref intervened.

* Brandon "The Truth" Vera versus Jon "Bones" Jones
PREDICTION: I went with the hype derided by Vera and the unorthodox striking of Jones (who, incidentally, had an age, height, weight and reach advantage).
RESULT: The pair appeared evenly matched, trading hits and asking questions of each other's sprawl defence and guard...until Jon landed an elbow to the noggin that transported Brandon to The Twilight Zone.

I reckon 4/5 is decent punting, though you could argue that I failed to pick the lone upset. Except that politeness won't permit you.

Cat draggings

Armageddon Expo, Sydney Town Hall

Happy, happy, joy, joy. My copy of the brain-bending Big Finish audio "Scherzo", IMCO the zenith of the range, now bears the signatures of writer Robert Shearman, actress India Fisher AND the incomparable Paul McGann. Besides being technically the longest-serving Doctor Who, PM proved himself a real "man of the people" as a con guest, teaming up well with fellow Brit thesp Dominic Keating, aka Lt Malcolm Reed from "Enterprise", for a Q&A with fans. And he supports Liverpool!

Animania convention, Australian Technology Park

It took two plays of "The Tower Of Druaga" on "Namco Museum DS" to convince me it was pigs' garbage. It took an equal number of episodes of the subbed anime, screened in the main auditorium during this flawed-but-nonetheless-enjoyable gathering, to have me making a beeline for the Siren stall, to purchase the first season (12 eps) on DVD. Trashy origins and bog-standard swords'n'sorcery trappings belie "Haruhi"-level comic madness. I hope they can sustain it.

"M:TG - Worldwake" pre-cons, Addster's coffee table

The mono-black deck, "Fangs Of The Bloodchief", defecates on the other four from an impressive elevation. What was WOTC R&D thinking? Hours of meticulous testing saw mono-B finish on 4/4 match wins and 11/12 games, ahead of "Flyover" (U/W; 3M, 7G), "Rapid Fire" (R/W; 2M, 6G), "Mysterious Realms" (U/G; 1M, 3G) and the appropriately inflexible "Brute Force" (G/R; 3G). Furthermore, the average life total of "Fangs" when the coup de grace was delivered was 13. 'Tis but a scratch!

Entry destined to remain unwritten, this lifetime

For a while, I've been meaning to catalogue the gigs I was offered but, for various reasons, was unable or unwilling to accept. These range from the world's most complicated urban newspaper round ("Next, you need to throw a paper through this window and land it on the lounge") to a deputy principal position at an English school in rural Japan. Then there was the ticket office, local election, 2000 Olympics... However, there may be fresh news on the employment front anon :-)

Half an idea

A "Scramble" or "Moon Patrol" variant where the terrain is generated from a music CD supplied by the player. It wouldn't be the exact waveform as that'd be ridiculously wiggly (and therefore undriveable in "M/P"), but rather a function of it generated from the peaks and troughs. The same algorithm might populate the landscape with obstacles and resources based on the different sounds. And, if possible, any vocal with "Idol"-style oversinging – ie. holding too many notes for too long – would result in the loss of all jets or buggies, a hard-drive reformat and the electrocution of the user.

Fisher King

My antiquated apartment is like Africa as described by SK, who spent time there as an aid worker: "Everything is either lost or broken." The thick marble handle in the shower had evidently become cracked and weakened over the decades as yesterday morning, while I leant on it to scrub a foot, it broke off in my hand causing me to gash my leg. I stared at the lesion for what felt like several seconds, optimistically observing, "That looks deep, but maybe it won't bleed." Then the blood came - and kept on coming. Little red rivers forming rosy clouds in the bottom of the tub. It took a while of applying pressure for the bastard to clot, then I carefully dried and disinfected the wound and covered it with an "Extreme Elastoplast" from a box fortuitously left behind by a past visitor (RS?). For a quick fix, 'til I could buy some heavy-duty contact cement from the hardware shop, I later wrapped the jagged protuberances in waterproof electrical tape. (Yeah, I'm as handy as an ashtray on a motorbike.) Believe me, though, the edges were neanderthal's lithic flake-sharp - I nicked a knuckle and suffered a stinging cut below my pinky finger while inspecting them. Ultimately, none of it's a huge drama; it's not like I had to go to casualty. It's just sad that I needed to accidentally injure myself to spur me into composing a blog entry. Also sad is the fact that, along with the fist-punctured door and polish-stained carpet, it's more damage to be deducted from my bond.

Brought to youse by Rush's "Retrospective 3" (2009).