Christmas in November

I'm as seedy as a cheap mandarine after yesterday's rock-themed ACP Chrissie party, held in the sandstone splendour of those Argyle buildings in The Rocks. I wore black shoes, blue jeans, an unbuttoned black shirt and a navy T-shirt depicting a volume dial on "11" – which is about how many tall glasses of German Paulaner beer I swilled. Like Corey Hart, I kept my sunglasses on at night, and I was sporting a sizable fake tatt on my weedy forearm: a 1955 design of a dagger through a skull, with the motto "Death before dishonour". It's handy having a pal (AM, bruv of CM) who's a make-up/SFX artist by trade. While a fair few employees went in costume, special mention must go to SC, whose white TISM outfit was an iceberg of creativity in a sea of traditional rockers such as Axl, Elvis, Kurt and Jimi. The Amy Winehouse impersonator was beaut, too – she even affected a passable Pom accent.

Adobe Photoshop Elements 3.0 is like...

...a bicycle with a slow leak in the back tyre, one handgrip missing, an unpadded seat, one pedal buckled, a loose chain, squeaky brakes and no kickstand. It'll eventually get you where you need to go, but you sure won't enjoy the ride. Of course, I could be exaggerating slightly because I requested Photoshop from the company IT department and, months later, found A/P/E/3 parked on my machine.


Snack du jour: A PR firm promoting Homer Hudson ice-cream sent our mag 24 tiny tubs that became everyone's afternoon tea. I had Honey Malt Marbles and it left me buzzing.

Becks factor

Without CM, AM, PB2, R?, NW and I, there would've been a mere 80,289 people at Telstra Stadium disbelieving their luck as Sydney FC trumped LA Galaxy 5-3. It was an international club clash with the lot: glory for the Aussie underdogs, eight goals including one from a classic David Beckham free kick, numerous near misses, several yellow cards, push'n'shove and a visitor sent off, and a terrifically positive atmosphere - at least in row 41 of section 145. I can't recall such a high proportion of young women at an A-League or Socceroos game :-)


Unrelated: Five "Magic: The Gathering" ads of the zany variety reside at www.youtube.com/user/WotCAdam.

Ho-humming along

I've concluded that I'm using far too many brackets and it could lead to a global shortage. Will attempt to restrain myself in future ramblings. That Epica album has steadily improved on further listens. A grower, as they say in the, um, growing trade. What Fatboy Slim's "Praise You" music video was to dancing, Junkie XL's "Today" clip is to hairdressing...


Reading: "Spook Country" (2007) by William Gibson.

Signal?

* Don't stroll blindly past "Big Things Series, 2007" by Julian Wrigley in the window gallery of the Sydney Books Kinokuniya. You'll miss cute composite photos in which a nuclear family of plastic (Fisher-Price?) figurines and their dog visit various Aussie roadside attractions, eg. The Big Pineapple.

* Unclever marketing: The allegedly humorous new fictional diary emblazoned with the line "If Adrian Mole had a sister..." He does - Rosie Germaine Mole. Idjits.

* Yesterday, there was a federal election. I live in the electorate of Kingsford Smith. The seat was retained by former Midnight Oil frontman Peter Garrett, whose party - Labor - find themselves in control of the Lucky Country for the first time in 11 years. I had dinner and monitored the telly tally at my sis and bro'-in-law's place and it was difficult getting a cab home due to the number of election shindigs in their area.

* Reading: "Fables 3: Storybook Love" (2003) by Willingham, Buckingham and Leialoha (at the risk of sounding absurd...I can't believe Snow White's up the duff to the Big Bad Wolf!); "Confessions Of A Part-Time Sorceress: A Girl's Guide To The Dungeons & Dragons Game" (2007) by Shelly Mazzanoble (So that's what chicks think about the greatest diversion ever devised :-) RPG heroes like Ed Greenwood and RA Salvatore have raved, so here's my two gold pieces' worth: More fun than a Deck Of Many Things! Surprisingly substantial and insightful. Many memorable lines, eg. describing characters of a lawful good alignment - "If they had their way, grocery stores would tar and feather anyone who snuck sixteen items into the fifteen-items-or-less lane").

* Playing: "Scrabble 2007 Edition" [Nintendo DS]. (Currently on "World Tournament" level and it's H for hard! I've opened with an 82-point bingo ("jellied") and still lost! The time limit is the real killer.)

* Listening: "The Divine Conspiracy" - Epica. (I like symphonic metal, but this Dutch outfit just aren't lighting my black candle...)

Noise

Rodriguez's grindhouse homage "Planet Terror" (yohoho copy) went from slow to gee-I-dunno to woah! But Tarantino's "Death Proof" was better. Which of you court jesters nominated me for "Who's Who NSW Edition"? The handsome off-white form remains untouched by biro or felt tip - my ego isn't that monstrous. I was one of the chosen folk in our office who scored a bumper box of Darrell Lea candy today (passed it on to my sis). Charlotte's Hefeweizen from the Snowy Mountains Brewery is a fruity wheat beer named in honour of the first woman to conquer Mt Kosciuszko. Sorry, fellas, Hoegaarden it ain't. "Attack Of The Show!" is on Fuel TV, so at last Olivia Munn is on my TV :-)


Artists appearing on my iPod during the typing of this inconsequentiality: Huey Lewis And The News, Sam & Dave, The Four Tops, John Lennon, The Bee Gees, Stevie Wonder, Des'ree, They Might Be Giants, Glen Campbell, Lloyd Cole And The Commotions.

A link to the past

Sunday. The plan had been Nepalese cuisine, but instead I found myself at the Coachman Bistro. My initial assessment was negative: a communal salad bar [shudder]. But as I inspected the menu board, I was impressed with the way the chef marshalled his troops and personally saw to each customer. The prices were on the steep side. Then I noticed, among the daily specials: Scallops De Paris. A quaint title befitting a time when Aussies wouldn't eat anything *too* fancy. The promise of "brandy cream sauce" and "fragrant rice" had me salivating like Pavlov's pooches. I paid me money and took me chances. What a wonderful, nostalgic-making dish! OK, so an underling hadn't got the rice perfect, but the scallops were the largest (we're talking as round as a cupcake) and tastiest I've had, and the rich, rich sauce transported me back to when my grandfather the chef was alive and cooking.


Reading: "Special Topics In Calamity Physics" (2006) by Marisha Pessl. (Prep school whodunit with an impossibly intellectual heroine named Blue van Meer on the case. And you thought the "Dawson's Creek" kids were articulate beyond their years? :-) Textbook-level detail (copious references, footnotes, "visual aids") distracts the attention from the grand illusion being worked. Beguiling. Bliss!)

Viewing: The mechanical marionette show of "The Nutcracker" occupying six windows of the David Jones Elizabeth St store. (A po-mo touch: the Rat King's an Elvis impersonator.)

Foxteletubbies: Don't forget "Runway To LA" starts tomorrow at 8.30pm on Fox8! ("Australia's Next Top Model" (cycle 3) sweetie Jordan Loukas has a crack at catwalk Yoo Ess Ay.)

Movie review: "Into The Wild" (2007)

This is the true-ish story of Christopher McCandless, who decides in 1990, after a middle-class upbringing and uni education, that society isn't his bag, baby. So he donates his bank balance to charity and racks off without telling his family where he's bound – possibly 'cos he has no idea himself.

Sean Penn's film follows McCandless – who destroys all of his ID and rechristens himself Alexander Supertramp – as he drives (until his Datsun's totalled in a freak flood), hitches and hikes through wild America, kayaks sections of the Colorado River and learns the hard way not to hop freight trains. Like a quality nature doco, it's visually entrancing.

Drifting from camp site to no-questions-asked job to camp site, "Alex" comes to see remote Alaska as a nirvana where, surviving alone for an extended period, he'll be able to make peace with his soul. While his willpower and endurance in pursuing and, to a certain extent, achieving this goal can only be admired, he severs emotional connections with a strange, deluded selfishness.

Emile Hirsch nails the title role of the literature-fuelled young idealist desperate to do no harm but ultimately hurting anyone who gets close. Marcia Gay Harden and William Hurt are the far-from-model parents left devastated by their son's disappearance. Jena Malone's the sister who knew him best...and not at all. Also excellent are Hal Holbrook as the ageing mentor who sees the tragedy in Alex, Brian Dierker and Catherine Keener as the hippies who offer him a (mobile) home, and Kristen Stewart as the pretty teen who wishes their brief relationship could be more than platonic.

Props as well to Pearl Jam's Eddie Vedder, whose songs make "Into The Wild" an even more powerful experience.

Final word: A wander in the wilderness, with all the harsh beauty, soul-stirring, danger and distress that entails.

[Australian cinema release date: November 29]

"UFC #78: Validation"

Venue: Prudential Center, Newark, New Jersey.

Format: Mixed martial arts! There were no titles on the line, so all matches were limited to three five-minute rounds.

Results:

1. [Lightweight] Local boy Frankie "The Answer" Edgar scored a unanimous and popular decision (30-27, 30-27, 30-26) over Spencer "The King" Fisher.

2. [Middleweight] In a rematch 3.5 years in the making, Ed "Short Fuse" Herman (from TV's "The Ultimate Fighter 3") knocked out Canadian Joe "El Dirte" Doerksen in the third round.

3. [Welterweight] Armenia's Karo "The Heat" Parisyan got the nod from the judges (30-27, 30-27, 30-27), but apologised to fans for a boring bout against Japan's Ryo "The Piranha" Chonan.

4. [Light heavyweight] Brazilian Thiago Silva improved his record to 12-0 with a first-round ground'n'pound KO of Houston "The Assassin" Alexander. When interviewed afterwards, TS was very respectful and said HA was his hero for raising six kids alone.

5. [Light heavyweight] In the main event, "Sugar" Rashad Evans ("T/U/F/2" winner) was awarded the narrowest of split decisions (29-28, 28-29, 29-28) over Englishman Michael "The Count" Bisping ("T/U/F/3" winner). MB still made history by being the first Brit ever to headline a UFC show.

6. [Lightweight] In a bonus fight from the undercard, Joe "J.Lo" Lauzon ("T/U/F/5") submitted 38-year-old(!) Jason Reinhardt via a sweet submission (rear naked choke) in the opening round.

Notes:

* There were a pair of new refs.
* Joe Rogan made fun of co-commentator Mike Goldberg for using the expression "holy moley".
* We got a preview of Forrest Griffin ("T/U/F/1" winner) guest-starring in an episode of "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit".
* The "Submission Of The Night" (freaky arm bar) was from an unscreened bout - annoying!
* "UFC 79: Nemesis" is gonna be AWESOME. Matt "The Terror" Serra defends his welterweight title against former champ and hated rival Matt Hughes. And then there's the light heavyweight match-up we've all dreamt of since the height of PRIDE: Chuck "The Iceman" Liddell versus Wanderlei "The Axe Murderer" Silva.

Moral: It's important to have a nickname.

Cause for celebration

Healed my mongrel body with fresh vegetarian sushi, then reversed the process somewhat with four light beers. The reasons for this were threefold: it was LA's birthday party, the venue was a private room in a pub (The Cauliflower in Waterloo) and there was a poker table in operation. I took part in both seven-player Hold 'Em games and won the first convincingly, earning me a $60 profit. The second was down to four peeps including myself when the publican said, "Time, ladies and gentlemen, please." (Except he didn't use those words.) Nobody looked like being eliminated soon, so we agreed to a final, winner-takes-all hand. Alas, my best five cards were more like a foot. I've got no right to complain, though, as I had one of the smaller chip stacks. Declining the offer of kicking on elsewhere for cocktails, I caught a cab home to watch the Socceroos tackle Nigeria, beamed live from Blighty.

That guy

I'm that guy who spent yesty arvo emptying a bottle of red in the Macquarie Hotel. Blame the editor who orchestrated the brain-pickling...er, brain-storming sesh.

I'm also that guy who was obnoxiously shouting pro-Kings/anti-Razorbacks propaganda throughout our 105-75 victory (avenging our lone loss of the season).

I wish I could say I wasn't that guy clapping and yelling about the win all the half a dozen city blocks to my bus stop, like a town crier who'd lost both bell and wits.

If I'm mega-unlucky and someone recorded my antics on their mobi, I could be "that guy on YouTube"; the biggest pork chop since the "Star Wars Kid" activated his lightsaber.

But I'm not sure the other b-ball fans or Friday night revellers would recognise me now. 'Cos I'm that guy who just left Ben's Salon sporting a Mohican haircut :-)

History sorta repeats

Rewatched "Elizabeth" on DVD (got it Reepicheep at Borders), then quick marched to the Randwick Ritz for the late session of "Elizabeth: The Golden Age". Do you rate the first fillum? It's surpassed by the sequel in scope (the Spanish Armada!) and - I reckon - the complexity of emotion Cate Blanchett evokes in the role of the queen.

Pictures at an exhibition

Thanks to the Art Gallery Of NSW's 9pm close, I was able to peruse "Sidney Nolan: A New Retrospective" before dinner. While the set of Ned Kelly paintings from the mid-40s is spooky, the second series from the mid-50s is frightening. No, nightmarish! Two huge landscapes, "Riverbend I & II", also feature the bushranger. They take up half a room each. A cylindrical, darkened room with a slit for viewing out - just like Ned's helmet. There are enough quotes from Nolan scattered about to get a feel for his writing and, on that subject, the Ern Malley hoax is recounted. Besides an obsession with Kelly and the poet Rimbaud, the impression one gets is of continuous experimentation with new materials and subjects/styles studied while travelling Australia and the world. Sidney's genius was that he never aped, only adapted in service of an uncompromising vision.


Reading: "Zugzwang" (2007) by Ronan Bennett. (Mannered mystery set in the socially volatile St Petersburg of 1914, in which a string of murders is somehow linked to psychoanalysis and a grand chess tournament.)

Painful

The Indianapolis Colts claw their way back from a 23-0 deficit against the San Diego Chargers (at Qualcomm) to be 23-21 and Adam Vinatieri duffs a field goal for the second time in the game. He rarely misses once, let alone twice. While AV wasn't responsible for our predicament, he had the skillz to save us. Colour me gutted.

Unrestrained laughter

"The Sarah Silverman Program - Season One" was over in a single recumbent Sunday - episodes, extras and selected commentaries. Whatever Amazon US charged my credit card, 'twas a bargain. Sarah, her sister and their friends play Sarah, her sister and their friends in a song-studded, "Seinfeld"-meets-"South Park" sitcom of political incorrectness gone madly entertaining. Silverman the character is an infantile egomaniac to rival "The Office"'s David Brent. Silverman the actress has the magnetic charisma to make the offensive funny and get away scot-free.


Reading: "Newtype USA" (November 2007); "Doctor Who: The Price Of Paradise" by Colin Brake (Doc Ten, Rose, natives, a foundling, explorers and guardian beasts on a "perfect" planet that quite evidently isn't).

Crunching: Texas BBQ Sauce Pringles.

She's Buff and she's still the stuff

The true believers among you will know "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" didn't finish with the TV program. Creator Joss Whedon and others continue to tell the tale of the supernatural superheroine in a comic published monthly by Dark Horse. Unwilling to scrabble for the individual issues, I've waited impatiently for them to be collected in graphic novel form. "BTVS: The Long Way Home", aka "Season Eight Volume 1", contains #1-5. The Scooby Gang's all here, as are the monster mashing, hip quips, raging hormones and continuity, continuity, continuity. Georges Jeanty's likenesses range from spot-on to rough-as (he can't seem to capture Giles), but overall his pencils and Andy Owens' inks are attractive and functional. The GN also gives ya both sets of covers. I'm reluctant to divulge plot details, but let's just say there are loadsaSlayers in multiple locations (taking full advantage of the medium), the US military aren't happy and old enemies die hard...


Crunching: Dark Chocolate M&Ms.

Chess wrestling

Like an Egyptian magician, DL conjured up free tickets to last night's sold-out WWE RAW Survivor Series show at the Acer Arena for himself, CM and I - in the Foxtel corporate box! It was my first experience of stadium luxury. Spacious and comfy seating, as much greasy/sugary tucker and amber nectar as we needed, and a spectacular view of the professional rasslin'. The No. 1 bout for moi was William Regal versus Brian Kendrick: a deceptively skilful, old-school heel, alternately bullying and cowardly, against a dynamic youngster with the crowd in his corner. The Triple H-Umaga brawl was decent. That lazy lump Randy Orton barely took part in his three-way battle with Mr Kennedy and Jeff Hardy. The rest of the matches were OK - even Beth Phoenix v. Mickie James. Sharing our skybox was legendary entertainer Kamahl, who does tongue-in-cheek WWE ads here in which he trots out his catchphrase, "Why are people so unkind?" He was a dapper chap, and the Foxtel reps and our food'n'beverage lady couldn't have been more accommodating.

I evened the cosmic ledger slightly this morning by buying tobacco and rolling papers (forgot the lighter) for a local tramp who resembles a Himalayan tribesman. At least he won't have to fish fag ends out of the main street bins for a while.


Watching: "My Brilliant Brain: Make Me A Genius" (National Geographic Channel documentary about the first female chess grandmaster, Susan Polgar. Covered her hothousing (they didn't use that term) as a child, calculation versus intuition, and concluded that the facial-recognition area of her brain was wired (or had been rewired) to remember board configurations in the same way).

Just like paradise

During office hours, in between the daily grind [cough] of subbing raw text, layouts and proofs, fervently following the online coverage of this cricket season's First Test between Australia and Sri Lanka. Then relaxing after a fish'n'chip supper by watching the live telecast of the opening match between South Africa and New Zealand, while filling my head with opinions and cold hard stats from the latest issue of the venerable institution that is "The ABC Cricket Magazine". (DQ: Your copy went in the post today.)


Drinking: The new Pokka ice tea – pomegranate flavour!

The fortress

Were I not a well-manicured germ-phobe, I would have been biting my fingernails for the entirety of tonight's tenser than Tenser's Floating Disc (lame "D&D" gag alert!) confrontation between the Kings and reigning premiers the Brisbane Bullets. I was beginning to worry that CM and AM were "coolers", draining the luck from the Sydney boys, as the visitors - whose star player CJ Bruton used to be our star player - repeatedly pulled ahead. Indeed, the Bullets were the superior team offensively (except in the minor scuffle). But it was our solid defence and lightning steals in the final quarter that carried us to a 114-109 victory. The Kings remain unbeaten at home.

Red shift

Home brand honey wasn't the only thing sweetening my Vita Brits this morning. Liverpool revivified their UEFA Champions League campaign with an 8-0 evisceration of Turkish side Besiktas, sending the Anfield faithful into delirium. Benayoun scored three goals, Crouch and Babel two each, and Gerrard the best of the lot. The SBS commentator reckoned it was the largest winning margin in the comp's history. No longer bottom in our C/L group, our next job's climbing above a dismal seventh in the Premier League...

Bullet time

* Today: Blew $10 on Princess Coup in the nation-stopping Melbourne Cup horse race. The nag finished in Xth place, where X isn't 1, 2 or 3.

* Yesterday: Reported for my dentist's appointment right on time...a week early. Doh! Lunching at a new Thai place I'd been recommended, was served a meal that seemed like what I'd ordered (it had the same three varieties of dead animal flesh) but was actually two lesser dishes costing nearly double. Doh! The Colts led the Patriots for three quarters in the clash of the undefeated NFL teams, only to be overrun in the fourth. Doh!

* The day before: At the Australian Centre for Photography with PG and DG for a panel on publishing, we slew time viewing a retrospective of the work of Aussie snapper Matthew Sleeth and also the Walkley Awards pics. The latter included a shot of Merewether (a suburb of my home burg of Newcastle) during June's torrential rains. It was a d*rk and st*rmy n*ght, the streets were flooded and a hero of a bloke was rescuing trapped motorists from their cars using a jetski with a boogie board strapped to the back.

* Three days ago: Hiked from North Bondi to Randwick with PG and DG. Why? 'Cos along the cliffs and in the parks between the south end of Bondi and Tamarama, the annual Sculpture By The Sea shenanigans were happening. Most deserving of description was a two-part creation involving giant mechanical ants. Halfway down a grassy slope, we met one carrying a sheet of maroon metal. At the top, two of its nestmates were dismantling a maroon Mercedes-Benz that was missing the cover off its boot (trunk, for the Yanks reading).

* The night before that: Saw a pedestrian get hit by a Toyota Celica in Haymarket (on my way to the Kings/Crocs game). Well, I heard the bang and a fellow bystander's scream. The dude was OK. Stunned for a few seconds. More embarrassed than anything. The woman driving jumped out to check on him, but he shrugged off her attentions and limped-ran away down the footpath clutching a golf umbrella!


Watching: The latest round of TV's "Poker Millions" (refreshingly literate colour commentary from the now extra-attractive Vicky Coren).

Trivia: Japanese gurgitator Takeru Kobayashi no-showed the recent World Hamburger Eating Championships in Chattanooga, Tennessee, due to a sore jaw. Regardless, his record of 97 burgers was rewritten by ravenous American Joey Chestnut, who managed 103 - a feat that was likened by an over-excited spokesclown to Roger Bannister breaking the four-minute mile.

Lovin': "The King Of Kong", pastizzi at The Maltese Cafe in Darlinghurst, "Sticker Nation: The Big Book Of Subversive Stickers Volume 1".

Movie review: "The Heartbreak Kid" (2007)

Eddie Cantrow (Ben Stiller) has just met his perfect woman – she's unaffected, girl-next-door gorgeous, and shares his sense of humour and love for sports. Pity he's on his honeymoon with someone else.

Pressured by his dad (played by his real old man, Jerry) and his married buddies, Eddie has rushed down the aisle with Lila (Swedish model Malin Akerman), only to discover she's not the sweet, clean-living environmental scientist he first thought.

When Miranda (Michelle Monaghan) materialises at his Mexican resort, our boy's smitten. And freak circumstances and truth-stretching allow him to romance her as if he was single...right up until vast quantities of poop hit the fan.

"The Heartbreak Kid" is a remake of a 1972 Neil Simon-penned film of the same name, but because the Farrelly brothers (of "There's Something About Mary" notoriety) are at the helm, it's had an injection of shock humour.

There's gratuitous nudity, too. The magnificent Malin goes topless as does an ageing, artificially enhanced actress who shares a hot tub with Jerry. Bet he begged Ben to add that scene!

Final word: Getting too attached to these characters will lead to heartache.

[Australian cinema release date: November 22]

Man with a plan

For the sheer novelty value, DL and I went along to Anthony "The Man" Mundine's press conference at the Entertainment Centre as guests of the Main Event channel. Australia's WBA Super Middleweight champ is far from over his self-inflicted eye injury (he stupidly put in a dirty contact lens, got an infection and his left-eye vision remains a blur), but will voluntarily defend his title on December 10 at the E/C against Argentina’s Jose Alberto Clavero. AM's record is 29-3 (22 KO), while 15th-ranked contender JAC's is 27-5 (13 KO). Ordinarily, you'd expect Anthony to destroy him. But given his reduced vision and "ring rust" from a long recuperation, anything could happen. Also at the press conference were Mundine's dad and trainer Tony, his manager Khoder Nasser and his heavyweight mate Solomon Haumono. SH will fight on the undercard – as soon as they find a slugger willing to face him. I just hope The Man knows what he’s doing...


Listening: "Doctor Who - Medicinal Purposes" by Robert Ross (Big Finish audiobook #60. Doc Six and Evelyn meet Burke and Hare, serial killers who sold their victims for medical experiments in Edinburgh between 1827-28.)